"Growing Old" Transcription

Title:
Monkey Ray Productions Presents

Title:
Growing Old

Location Title:
Hull, Massachusetts

Michael Neel (off screen interviewer):
Do you have any wisdom about aging you'd like to share?

Elaine Ross:
Sure, don't age.

Bob Ross:
(laughs)
Don't do it, it's not worth it.

Elaine:
Of course, the alternative isn't so good either. Aging is a number. I don't feel any older than I did when I was 21. I can't do some of the things I did when I'm 21. But I can still ride a bike, I can still use the treadmill, I can still lift weights. I don't want to recognize that I'm 66. So I'm, I still think in my mind I'm still 21.

Title:
Bob and Elaine have been married for 41 years

Elaine:
You know, there's a saying that people plan and God laughs. And our plan was that Bob was going to retire in 19...in 2000. And we were going to live here for six months and we were going to go to Florida for six months. And that was our plan. Didn't work out.

Bob:
I got a phone call from my doctor, and he said, "Bob" he says, "you'd better come in right away. We found blood in the samples that you sent in."

Elaine:
Well first I didn't believe it. First I thought he had, I make beets a lot. First I thought he was eating too many beets. And that instead of blood it was beets. You know, in his colon.

Bob:
So they did a si-...colonoscopy. I watched. I'm used to doing that.
(laughs)
I watched and I could see they got to a certain point and then they stopped. I said, "You've found something." The doctor said, "Yes, we have."

Elaine:
And then when they operated on his colon I said, "Well, it must be just in the colon. It has not metastasized." And then, of course...it had. And I said, "Well, they're just going to just zap it or whatever they have to do and they're going to fix him, and he's going to be OK." And I think I beleived that up until maybe six months ago. I really thought that Bob really was going to, you know, overcome his cancer. And now I don't believe it any more.

Title:
Bob was diagnosed with colon cancer 4 years ago

Title:
At the time, he was given 6 months to live

Steven - Bob's son:
But under the circumstances and the chemotherapy that he's gone through, um, I think it's extraordinary. So...I mean, some of the surgeries at his age, at 71 or 72 I think it was, they were saying he'd be in for a week and he'd be out in three days. So he was, you know, amazing when it came to that.

Bob:
Well, I don't know. I may have a strong constitution. Now see my dad was rarely sick, and had practically no operations. He lived till 103. Well, I've been here...in April it was four years. Which is a little unusual.

Title:
Bob is a sales rep for Krohn-Hite Corporation

Jarret Beeley (off screen interviewer):
So the company makes testing products?

Thomas - Bob's Co-Worker:
Testing equipment. This is an industry that you need to have a lot of technical knowledge. Ah, people with PhDs will call you up with very technical questions, and because of Bob's extensive background in this industry he's able to answer them.

Bob:
'Cause we've been at this for about sixty years.

Michael (off screen interviewer):
Really?

Bob:
Fifty five, yeah. About fifty-five, sixty years. So, there's instruments out there,
(laughs)
in some cases they don't quit.

Sikorsky, yeah I've gotta call Sikorsky back too. San Mina, here it is.

I think there's a phenomenon so that if people need you, and you work, and there's things you need to do, that you kind of stick around a little longer. You don't think about bad things, you're too busy, I mean the day -- we close here at 4:30 -- the day goes
(snaps)
like that. There's people who do want to retire, and do have something else they want to do. Nothing wrong with that. Long as they got something to do. But to sit around the house? Or try to make work? No, it...that's not good.

Cut to black - 0:04:56

Location Title:
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Helen Metros:
Table four, OK?

Michael (off screen interviewer):
What do you think about Helen working in to her seventies?

Man:
She's not seventy. Seventy four? Sheesh!

Title:
Helen has worked as a waitress at Charlie's Kitchen for over 35 years

Helen:
And I said, "You and Jop, you could have said, 'Hey, get lost Helen', but you're not like that. You kept me working and you keep me happy by making me work."

Paul - Helen's Boss:
You're not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere. You're staying here, 'til you tell me you're not coming. She didn't work last Friday, it was dead in here. She didn't work this Monday, it was dead in here.

Michael (off screen interviewer):
So she draws in the crowds then.

Paul:
She is the crowd drawer.

Helen:
I, I...thank you.

Michael:
She's good for business.

Paul:
She is good for business, believe it or not.

Helen:
(laughs)

Paul:
She is, uh, she's the perfect example of stay busy, stay healthy.

Helen:
I can work. And I don't, I might be a little slow on the computer. I might be a little slow. But my work is done, and my customer is the most important person to me. I'm not being fresh, I'm being honest, and I'm, and I'm thankful to God and I'm thankful to Paul and Jop that they keep me here 'cause at my age you can't get a job. But Paul keeps me, and them. So I'm, I'm...you know, all around I've been blessed. So I'm not afraid of getting old.
(to Michael)
Are you afraid of getting old.

Michael:
No.

Helen:
No.

Michael:
And I, um...I think I used to be more.

Helen:
You used to be?

Michael:
I think so. When I was younger. I got caught up in, um, appearances a lot, I think. But I just reached an age where I just realized it wasn't important. Part of it was when my hair started to thin. I realized I was like "Wow I'm not, you know, eighteen any more or whatever." But, you know...

Helen:
See, women we don't have to worry about that. I mean, we go to the hairdresser's and I get Golden Apricot.

Helen & Michael:
(laughs)

Title:
Helen has been married to Ted for 51 years.

Ted:
Well I usually pick up Helen, uh, every night. I don't like her to, uh, walk too much. She stands all day. And, uh, so you know, retired and all, you know, gives me something to do.

Michael:
Yeah, sure.

Ted:
Yeah, 'cause I, I need supper.

Ted, Helen & Michael:
(laughs)

Ted:
There you are, I mean, it's all set up that way.

Helen:
He doesn't know how to-

Ted:
I don't pick her up, I don't eat, so-

Helen & Michael:
(laughs)

Helen:
He doesn't know how to open the refrigerator door yet, I haven't trained him that way.

Ted:
No.
(laughs)

Michael:
So, Helen, how do you feel right now? Are you, are you tired? Are you-

Helen:
No.
(laughs)

Ted:
She should, she really should be. She's very active, uh, in everything she does. So...

Helen:
You know why I'm not tired? Because I love my job. I don't know why, uh, but I seem to be blessed with a lot of energy, and that's what they call it, I don't know.

Ted:
You know, I, I figure that anything over sixty-five is good, is a plus. But I, I'm at that crossroad where what I want to do I can't do, only because I'm old. Only because the body won't allow me to do what I want to do. But the mind always stays young.

Michael (to Helen):
How old do you feel?

Helen:
Twenty four. I'm Seventy Four, and you have to be realistic enough to know that, you know, the plot over at Mt. Auburn Cemetery isn't going to wait forever for me. But I'm just not ready to lay down and die yet. And I think that anyone who says that a person who is over seventy should just turn around and not do anything is wrong because you're robbing them of a life, especially when they can do something. You just don't put them in a rocking chair and say, "Well, you've had your life, it's time to make room for us." There's a lot of room on this earth for us. For everyone.

Cut to black - 0:09:44

Location Title:
Boston, Massachusetts

Dr. Paul Mazur:
The Urban Medical Group has been around, I think it's in it's twenty-sixth year now. Um, I'm one of the newcomers, I've been here, I don't know, five years maybe.

Title:
Dr. Paul Mazur and the Urban Medical Group see patients in Greater Boston

Dr Mazur:
And, you know, I think our reputation is that, you know, that it's really for people who are, I don't know, impoverished or marginalized, but it's not exclusively that. You know, we take care of, we just take care of older people, it doesn't matter.

Michael:
And can you just describe a little bit where we're going today?

Dr Mazur:
It's a group home for women with, who are chronically mentally illness, mentally ill. They're, these two that we're going to see are both not able to take care of themselves, so, um, they're living in a group home. But they had been institutionalized elsewhere. You know, for, for a lot of years before then, they both have.

Dr Mazur:
(To Marie)
Marie, how are you?

Marie:
Good.

Dr Mazur:
Tummy OK?

Marie:
Ummm.

Dr Mazur:
Sleeping all right?

Marie:
Uhh.

Dr Mazur:
Stand up. Put your, put your heels together, stand up nice and straight. Put your heels togethe, close your eyes, and hold your balance with your eyes shut. Keep your eyes shut. Can you do it? Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

Marie:
Can I get a glass of water?

Dr Mazur:
Yeah, you will in a minute. You will in a minute. We gotta give you that flu shot. You know that there, that there's...there hasn't been a lot of vaccine this year, and we've got some, and you need it. So let's give you the flu shot, all right? But you have to get this off so I can get...'cause I have to give it to you up here, see I can't reach it from down here. Can we do that? Hmm? Let me roll this, can you get this sleeve up or do you have to take your arm out of the sleeve-

Marie:
No.

Dr Mazur:
We have to give you the shot.

Bernadette:
Roll it up please, Marie.

Dr Mazur:
OK, get your sleeve, we've got to get your sleeve up so we can get the needle in here. All right?

Bernadette:
OK?

Dr Mazur:
Marie? Huh? No?
(laughs)

Bernadette:
It's going to be painless. Trust me.

Dr Mazur:
And then you can have some coffee. All right?

Bernadette:
You want Dunkin' Donuts coffee?

Marie:
Uhh.

Bernadette:
And Dunkin' Donuts?

Marie:
Uhh.

Bernadette:
OK, well let's, let the doctor give you, um, the shot, and then we'll go to get some doughnuts and coffee.

Dr Mazur:
K, let's get this off, OK? Marie? Can you do it? Pull your arm out. Pull your arm out.

Marie:
No.

Dr Mazur:
(to Audience)
It's always a question mark of how much cooperation we're going to get.
(to Marie)
What are you worried about?

Marie:
Nothing.

Dr Mazur:
No? So we wait.

Bernadette:
Can you put this on please?

Dr Mazur:
(to Interviewers)
She eventually will acquiesce, but sometimes it, you know, you have to do a little more cajoling than usual.

Greg (off screen Interviewer):
Dunkin' Donuts.

Bernadette:
Very good, Marie.

Dr Mazur:
Now you are done.

Bernadette:
See? All done. Thank you.

Dr Mazur:
One of them that's harder to deal with is...she's really delusional. She's still...she's a big Red Sox fan, but she's stuck in 1978.

Hattie:
You're not a Red Sox fan, are you? One last you-

Dr Mazur:
Wait wait, pay attention here. What do you, you see this thing right here?

Hattie:
Yeah.

Dr Mazur:
You see those little Red Sox on there?

Hattie:
Yes. Yeah I'm gonna take this off but-

Dr Mazur:
That answer your question?

Hattie:
Yes you did, but...

Dr Mazur:
OK Hattie, we're gonna give you the flu shot in a minute-

Hattie:
OK but I've gotta go I've gotta-

Bernadette:
OK, yeah, I know-

Hattie:
My father's such a busy man, just leave me alone for a girl.

Bernadette:
Oh jeez.

Hattie:
What the sonny you just brew me over I've got over a million things to do.

Bernadette:
I know.

Hattie:
Just burn me over tell Dr Roni I've had it with you.

Bernadette:
OK.

Hattie:
I wanna talk alone, just leave me alone for a girl.

Bernadette:
Oh yes, yes.

Hattie:
(gets flustered)

Bernadette:
OK, c'mon, c'mon.

Hattie:
Just leave me alone what did Bethany tell you, I'm getting burned up with you, ill water. I'm going come on nut, what's the big idea come on winter. I know I-

Bernadette:
I know, I don't like it when-

Hattie:
C'mon, c'mon, I'll knock the macaroni out of you. I've had it with you.

Michael:
(to Dr Mazur)
What's the cause of your behavior as much as you can judge? Do you have any idea?

Dr Mazur:
I think it's just a lot of internal stimulation, you know. I mean she's got this sort of...you know, this kind of logarreah, this kind of word salad, all the stuff she talks about. That's, you know, like this endlessly playing loop. And, you know, and her head just goes around and around. She often talks about her father and so on but...but you know usually, you know, she'll just do all that and allow me to do the exam while she just, you know...babbles away. This thrashing and stuff is not, you know...she doesn't always do that but sometimes she does that.

Hattie:
I've had it just leave me alone for a girl. I've got to get her up. I don't, that's not right a Brenda.

Bernadette:
Don't you just hate when Brenda does that?

Hattie:
No, she knocked her over some-

Bernadette:
That's not nice at all.

Hattie:
No.

Bernadette:
Why does she do that?

Hattie:
I don't know.

Bernadette:
Why does she do those things?

Hattie:
I don't know.

Bernadette:
You don't hit, right?

Dr Mazur:
OK, real quick.

Bernadette:
You don't hit? That's not nice.

Hattie:
No, I don't know what she did.

Bernadette:
I don't know why she does that. It's her mother.

Hattie:
It's not right.

Bernadette:
I know, her own mother. Could you believe that?

Hattie:
Her own mother.

Bernadette:
That's not nice at all.

Michael:
(to Dr Mazur)
Anything you'd like to add, um, about what we kind of observed in there...maybe something that would help the audience understand a little more what was going on.

Dr Mazur:
There, there's no rocket science or technique about any of this. It's just, just trying to make it work. You know, just get the job done. You can say, you know, it's very, it's very time consuming and you have to have a...willingness to put up with frustration. I think the thing to understand is that-
(turns off heater)
It's kind of noisy in here.
(laughs)

Michael:
A little bit.

Dr Mazur:
The...is that...with...persons who have mental illness don't die from mental illness. They, they die from much more common things. They die from, you know, heart disease and diabetes and cancer and, you know, chronic lung disease just as everyone else does, but tend to do it at a much earlier age.

Michael:
Um hmm.

Dr Mazur:
So, um, you know the biggest payoff is just take care of, you know, the simple things. Make sure they're immunized, make sure they're health screening is taken care of, you know, treat their high blood pressure, um, control their diabetes. Get them to eat better diets. Get them to stop smoking, you know. It may be, it may be tougher but it does work, and you know, um...you know, as a practicioner, it's very gratifying when you have a good outcome with someone who might otherwise be written off as untreatable.

Cut to black - 0:16:44

Location Title:
Brooklyn, New York

Chester Higgins:
We love to live long, and medical technology gives us that ability, and all of us want to get to heaven but none of us wants to die to get there.

Title:
Chester Higgins is a photographer in New York City.

Chester:
But, you know, we had nothing to say about being born here. And because we are...occupy our bodies which, you know, are pretty much prisoners of time and space, we have nothing to say about when we are going to leave. Do I like it like that? No. Can I change that? Most unlikely. So I have to be comfortable with that and apprec-, and be thankful of the time that I have. I say every day above ground is a great day. It's a great day. Some people say, "Well I don't want to get old." I say, "OK. Then your only option is for you to be a young corpse, probably a young beautiful corpse. But if that's what you want to do, that's your choice."

Chester:
(cont)
We've developed a whole nation that's become emotionally uneasy, or uncomfortable about living in their aging bodies. And I wanted to show some other images that we have never seen, positive images about what aging could be like. And that's how I came up with Elder Grace. Because what I was really trying to show that there is a certain kind of elegance that one has in what I think is, when we age the best that we can.

Chester:
(cont)
I decided to use a criteria of four things. First, everybody had to have white hair. No salt and pepper, you must have white hair. And then I decided that everybody had to have a countenance of dignity. I'm here trying to make a positive statment what aging...the best of aging can be. Um, they had to be over seventy years old. And their eyes had to be connected to their minds.

Chester:
(cont)
And I, took me about ten years to find about three or four hundred portraits in New York City. Um, I found myself going in to churches, looking around the congregation to see if anyone had white hair. So I would somehow cruise neighborhoods, looking for people. Or find, wherever I would find people I would run up to them and I'd say, "Look, I'm a photographer. I don't like how we view aging in America." Of course we have a aging, the image of aging in America is a very negative one. What I was trying to do was embrace aging. Embrace it and confront it at the same time. Embrace and love it because it can be dignified and it can be glorious. And confront it because, yes, this is your worst nightmare. But look, your worst nightmare really doesn't have to be the nightmare you think it is.

Cut to black - 0:19:42

Michael:
You spoke, you mentioned the boat too, can you speak a little more about, kind of, his relat-...Actually, I almost said his relationship with his boat and I kind of caught myself-

Richard - Bob's Son:
Well, that would be appropriate. You know, his relationship, his love affair with, with his boat.

Elaine:
So my friends said to me, and they still say, "Well Elaine, why don't you buy Bob a new boat. Because this boat doesn't seem to be doing much for Bob." And I say, "You're wrong. This boat is doing whatever Bob needs for him." The issue is he needs a place to go and be on his own and putter. He loves to putter and fix things. That gives him the greatest pleasure.

Greg:
And like you were saying, you always keep your good tools on the boat, right?

Bob:
Yeah. To me, that was the fun. Discovering why something didn't work and fixing it. Can't always fix it.
(laughs)

Michael:
How, since the last time we saw you has anything changed with your treatment or with your health?

Bob:
Well I'm off of whatever they had. Because it wasn't working. They're now debating between two chemicals. We'll see what happens with this next stuff. They might come up with something. I've gotta one thing, boy they've been trying. I can't say they haven't tried. They, not they but the insurance company has spent a fortune.

Michael:
Starting again, you said you've been sleeping...a lot?

Bob:
Yeah, well when I get home...Now I don't stop during the day when I'm working. I just keep on going. Elaine'll ask me, "Are you gonna, do you want to eat or you wanna rest?" And I'll lay down for an hour and a half. And then, I'll tell you the truth, I'll watch television or read for a while afterwords, after we eat. By nine, nine thirty I'm back in bed again. So it could be. I'm going to have to ask him about what the lungs look like. Because I notice I'm coughing more and, uh, I'm breathing harder when I have to do anything that, uh, I have to do, mainly going up and down stairs. I just don't have the energy.

Michael:
You were saying, you were talking about if you were, um...

Bob:
Yeah, rather than to be a burden to Elaine, if it would be easier for her if I was in a nursing home, I wouldn't object. Because I'll tell you something, she's been through hell. It has not been easy for her. Very, very hard. You know, taking care of me, you know, after all those operations. Well the three minor ones were no big deal. The others was...were major operations. She's never complained. Only time she complains is when I steal too many of the covers.
(laughs)

Michael:
(laughs)
Well, I think everyone has the right to complain about that.

Elaine:
Bob never complains, he never says, "Why me." He, um, gets up in the morning and goes to work 'cause he has to go to work. And he just...you know, he just lives life, and he always looks to the future. And I think that's a good thing.

Bob:
Well, she asked me what I wanted for my seventy-fifth birthday. I said, "I would like to have my seventy-sixth birthday."

Cut to black - 0:23:21

Helen:
I was the youngest in my family, all right? And at seven years old there was nothing in the house. So there was a fish and chips store down on the corner of D street in South Boston. And I walked in and I, I said to the man, "I want a job." So he says, he started playing me, he said, "Well what can you do?" And I said, "I can do anything you can do." I was seven years old, I'll never forget. And he says to me, "And if you had a job, what would you do with the money." I said, "Well, I'd buy some food for my mom and my brother and sister, and," I said, "I'd take that home, I'd buy some food from, I'd even buy some food from you." So he said to me, "Well, all right. Supposing I hire you to bag the fish." And that was, put, he showed me how to put the fish in the bag. I said, "OK." So at that day he gave me three dollars for that day, and that was...plus fish and chips. It wasn't a nice life, but it was a life that no matter how bad it was, we survived.

Title:
Helen continued to support her family for many years.

Helen:
This is Charlie's, and it has a good reputation, and people are...you don't know whether you're waiting on the, um, prince or a pauper. It's true, yeah.

Michael:
Helen, you said you have some photos of some of the people you've served at Charlie's?

Helen:
OK. This here is Senator David Pryor.

Michael:
Yeah?

Helen:
He's from Arkansas. And it goes without saying, Tip O'Neil. He was the speaker of the house, I guess you knew that, Tip O'Neil. You saw this one. Tom Brokaw, he came. Now Ben Affleck is another fella. This here is Robert Reich. I believe he was secretary of labor...I may be wrong, but I think he was. But he also ran for governor and he almost won. And this is Ambassador Jonathan Moore.

Helen:
(cont)
We went to New York City, remember? We were in the middle of New...

Ted:
Yeah, right in Times Square.

Helen:
Times Square. And I was parking and there were some people walking by and they said, "That's Helen!" And they ran up and...
(laughs)
Isn't that the truth?

Ted:
No matter where we go there will be someone we know. Or Helen knows. You're unforgettable Helen, that's all, let's face it.

Helen:
And it's -- oh there's my friends.

Michael:
Who is that Helen? Who did we just pass by?

Helen:
The policemen on the motorcycles.

Michael:
(lauhgs)

Ted:
Cambridge Police.

Helen:
Cambridge Policemen.

Michael:
How do you know them?

Helen:
Well, because they've been coming in to Charlie's and I've been, I've watched them grow, from the time they've been kids 'cause I've worked at Charlie's for so many years and the Oxford Ale House that I knew them when they started becoming, when they first became rookies, and then, even went up as far as being a captain in the police station, I've watched them all grow.

Ted:
There's your buddies.

Helen:
Hey, toot the horn to 'em.

Ted:
You know?

Helen:
Yeah.

Ted:
You know Helen?

Helen:
(laughs)

Ted:
(laughs)
Just don't arrest us. Oh God.

Helen:
(laughs)
Hey, blow me a kiss or two baby!

Helen, Ted, & Michael:
(laugh)

Ted:
Take care.

Helen:
See what I mean? It's, it's just nice. It, it's nice to be...it's nice to feel wanted, and nice to feel...that you belong to, you know...

Ted:
Well you make everybody feel good, Helen.

Helen:
And there's been so many, so much in this world that we have, everybody is looking down, and it seems like they never have anything to look up for. And I have a, I mean...you know, you just have to have love. That's it.

Ted:
You got it baby.
(laughs)

cut to black - 0:27:20

Michael:
And how old are you?

George Gougian:
Fifty years old. Yup, definitely aging.
(laughs)

Michael:
Yup. Hard to avoid, right?

George:
Oh yeah.

Title:
George Gougian runs Hancock Manor, a nursing home in Boston

George:
This business will age you.

Michael:
What do you, what do you mean, exactly?

George:
Health care is a very stressful business. Nursing Homes are always scrapping for money, a lot of nursing homes, there always...a lot of them have lost money, a lot of nursing homes have closed. So, just maintaining the facility, maintaining it's economic viability can be quite, quite challenging.

Judith (Nurse):
Here, I'm going to go see patients, so you can sit here and write your name. And you see those little white tags, Paul. Those are all the orders that we have to figure out and you have to sign.

Judith & Dr Mazur:
(laugh)

Judith:
Now Laura and I have already taken a stab at some of them. Because it's in all three books.
(laughs)

Laura:
All three books look like this. They all need our signatures.

Greg:
(to Dr Mazur)
And there's probably a big pile of paper work at your house, too.

Dr Mazur:
You have no idea, you have no clue.

Greg:
(laughs)

Dr Mazur:
This is the Hancock Manor Nursing Home. It's, you know it's state-of-the-art if this is 1960, but its not 1960.
(laughs)
So it's, it's an older building and, uh, you know you can see, it's, you know, most nursing homes don't look like this any more, certainly newer ones. Um, you know, there, a lot of these rooms have three or even four beds in them, which is...you know, it's congested and crammed.

Title:
Dr Mazur sees many patients at Hancock Manor

Dr Mazur:
Hi Jackie. How are you?

Jackie:
Allright.

Dr Mazur:
Feeling OK? Yeah?

Dr Mazur:
(cont)
She lived at a group home and she got, she started having pneumonias, and it's almost certainly a lung cancer but she won't let us work it up any further or treat it, she doesn't have a guardian to, to enable us to do any of that kind of stuff.

Dr Mazur:
(to Jackie)
Jackie, are you eating at all?

Jackie:
A little.

Dr Mazur:
Huh? Eating your food?

Jackie:
A little.

Laura:
A little bit?

Dr Mazur:
Yeah? Belly bother you? Have you been short of breath? Coughing?

Jackie:
Coughing a little.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah?

Laura:
You OK? You look like you have some, some pain? Any pain?

Jackie:
Feeling stiff.

Dr Mazur:
I haven't seen you out of bed in a while, you getting out of bed sometimes? You stay in bed all day? Stay in bed?

Dr Mazur:
(cont)
And it's, you know, in, getting a guardianship can take, even in an emergency situation, I mean we started this when she was in the hospital, even before that. Um, and even in that circumstance it can just take weeks and weeks and weeks before, before it can happen. And even then, you know, just because you have a guardian doesn't mean you get cooperation to do anything. And maybe by the time the guardianship comes through it may be too late to do much about this. It's kind of a mess.

Judith:
How are you today Violet?

Dr Mazur:
Hi, how you doing?

Violet:
Good, thank you.

Dr Mazur:
How's dialysis going. You getting used to it yet?

Violet:
Yeah, yeah, kind of, yeah.

Dr Mazur:
Do you feel kind of washed out afterwards? Or is that a little better?

Violet:
Oh yes, washed out.

Dr Mazur:
What, what did you feel? What were you feeling?

Violet:
Weak.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah.

Violet:
My whole body, weak.

Dr Mazur:
OK.

Violet:
I can't walk again. My eyes get blurry.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah.

Violet:
And what is the cause I don't know.

Title:
Violet had to move from her house when she went on dialysis

Title:
She wants to go back home

Dr Mazur:
Do you have numbness in your feet?

Violet:
Not really. I feel a lump in the middle. So I don't know what that lump is, if that is what you call numbness?

Dr Mazur:
Does it, uh, does it get in the way of walking. Do you feel like you can't walk safely?

Violet:
Oh yes, oh you don't feel safe, no you don't feel safe.

Dr Mazur:
I want to see you try to walk a little bit.

Violet:
Oh, OK.

Judith:
Do you live on the second floor?

Violet:
Yes.

Judith:
You live on the second floor apartment?

Violet:
That's right.

Dr Mazur:
Is there an elevator in there?

Violet:
No, no, no.

Dr Mazur:
So you, you have to do stairs.

Judith:
Have you done any stairs while you've been here with the therapist?

Violet:
Oh one day, yeah.

Dr Mazur:
How did you do on stairs?

Violet:
Yeah, he said I did well.

Dr Mazur:
He did? OK. All right.

Violet:
I hug the stairs.

Judith:
OK.

Violet:
I hold on to them tight. Put all my strength in the stairs.

Judith:
All right. Well, you're doing pretty well here.

Violet:
Yeah, uh huh.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah. I don't know where you're going, but...

Judith:
(laughs)

Dr Mazur:
The other thing is: there's still some uncertainty about whether you'd be able to go back home and be, be safe there, so I think we better not...better not make that plan yet.

Violet:
Yeah but you know doctor, I was lucky while I was here. I never got any of those episodes, every time my sugar dropped I used to get and I used to fall, and...

Dr Mazur:
I think people just do not like the idea of losing autonomy, just the ability to, to stay independent, um, you know for as long as they possibly can. Eventually most people come to accept the constraints of, of physical frailty, but just can't bear the thought of, you know, giving up where they live or how they live.

Dr Mazur:
(to Violet)
Well, all right, so we'll see what happens when you go see your diabetes doctor tomorrow, and then we'll share that information next week. OK.

Violet:
All right.

Dr Mazur:
All right, we'll see you again.

Violet:
Yeah, thanks a lot doctor.

Dr Mazur:
OK, all right.

Dr Mazur:
(to Robert)
How you doing?

Robert:
I'm doing all right.

Dr Mazur:
Feeling ok?

Robert:
I'm getting by, yeah. The pain, the pain level's very nice now, and I can, you know, function and not be sick all the time from the pain.

Dr Mazur:
OK, so you, that's the morphine that you're taking.

Robert:
Yeah, I'm doing very, in fact I'm doing very well, uh...

Dr Mazur:
He's got lung cancer, too, you know. And he's, uh, he smoked for a long time and was alcoholic as he, he's very, you know, he's good about, you know, discussing all that.

Title:
Robert was homeless before coming to Hancock Manor. He is 65 years old.

Robert:
So, uh, what are you, what are you guys doing with the cameras and stuff?

Michael:
We're making a movie on aging.

Robert:
Oh! Well, you've come to the right guy! I think I aged fifty years in the last two! But that's all right.

Michael:
Yeah.

Robert:
It isn't, uh, physical age, your age is up here. Sometimes, sometimes I'll tell you what, I act like a kid. I mean I do. I mean, I'm so, I'm so uh...irresponsible and I'm like a teenager with a big mouth and I know everything, you know. But they put up with me, you know? Cause I don't bother nobody here.

Dr Mazur:
You know the first day he came in here he said, "I'm gonna die here, but I haven't had a home for, you know, for a lot of years so this feels like home to me." It was pretty amazing, you know, the first day he was here. And then, uh, and he was having a lot of problems with pain management. And we just decided to start using morphine and get the hospice involved, because they're really good at managing pain. And morphine is, you know, morphine's a good drug. He's doing very well.

Robert:
So, you know, couldn't be better for me. You know, things aren't too good physically, but other than that, emotionally, mentally, I'm...I'm there. It's really been a good stop for me. So tell all the people that when they're sick, if they're lucky enough to get one of these places, take it. Because I'm doing better here than I've done when I was on the street and healthy.

Dr Mazur:
The idea is, if you can, to the best judgement you can make, to think that someone's survival is six months or less, then hospice, that's what hospice is for. Although I have a guy who is now on his third year of hospice, if you can believe that. Yeah.

Michael:
Wow.

Dr Mazur:
(laughs)
So, you know, sometimes your best judgement is pretty bad.

Michael:
The human body can be pretty amazing sometimes.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah, well, you know, this guy in particular, you know, once we, once we decided to stop fixing him he got better.
(laughs)

Dr Mazur:
Where are you with all this now?

Ray:
Are you talking about signing the paper?

Dr Mazur:
The whole bit, yeah.

Title:
Ray is trying to decide if he wants to go on hospice

Ray:
I'm not going to be resuscitated, I'm just going to go. 'Cause, you know, I'm not going to put my family through all that crap. You know?

Dr Mazur:
Yeah.

Ray:
I just got, I just got back together with my family, you know. Its the best relationship I've had with my family in...twenty two years? And I want to keep it that way. I want to keep it in good standing.

Dr Mazur:
He, he's got a very aggressive kind of cancer that it's unlikely that he'd get a meaningful cure from, although he's done well, I mean without treatment he would have been dead already. But it's um...it was already pretty far advanced when they first got it, so they were able to sort of hold it up there for a while. And I, I think he's, you know, if he really does want to go on hospice care he's going to have to stop the chemotherapy. I mean it's hard to imagine that they'll take him on hospice and still treat him for his cancer. I mean, that's sort of, that's kind of going in opposite directions.

Dr Mazur:
(to Ray)
You wouldn't be eligible for hospice if you're still getting chemotherapy. You know, if it were to the point where you couldn't get chemo any more because it wasn't working, or you just had enough of it, whatever.

Ray:
Well it's, it's just...to me, as I said, It doesn't seem like it's working. I mean if I'm getting, if I'm getting little pains here and there, and...so I just figured I'll roll with hospice.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah.

Ray:
I'm just gonna, if something happens I'm just gonna go. And just leave it at that.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah. You seem, you seem pretty at peace with all this...

Ray:
I am, beacause...

Dr Mazur:
I mean, the last few times I've seen you're sort of more agitated, more, something, yeah...

Ray:
Well I am, because...I got a couple of bibles, and I've just been reading up, you know.

Dr Mazur:
OK.

Ray:
They put me at ease, you know, I'm just gonna let it go. You know, I'm not going to fight it.

Dr Mazur:
OK.

Ray:
I know that's not what you want to hear, I know that's not what any doctor wants to hear -- I understand that. I do understand that. You've been great to me. You've been fantastic to me. It's just, nothing against you whatsoever, it's me.

Dr Mazur:
No, it's you. It's not about me. You know it's really kind of what your, you know, your, your wish, you know, your goals, your...you know, what's important to you is what's, is, is kind of what I, you know, I mean I respect that. You know, it's not because I need to hear something. I don't need to hear anything. I just need to know what it is that you want. And we'll go with that.

Ray:
I'm just gonna go with it, I am.

Dr Mazur:
OK, that's fine. That's pretty clear.

Ray:
I am.

Dr Mazur:
OK. All right. Well you're still here and I'm still here, so...

Ray:
Yeah.

Dr Mazur:
OK?

Ray:
OK.

Dr Mazur:
Ok. Thank you.

Ray:
Yup. Thanks.
(to off-camera filmmakers)
Gentlemen.

cut to black - 0:39:10

Michael:
So could you, um, for the sake of the camera could you please tell us where we're going today?

Bob:
Oh. We're going to go to Dana Farber. I'm going to be getting the new drug, I get that three weeks, and then one week without anything. And they do blood tests every time I go, which is nine vials of blood. I told them if they take ten, I'm going to start charging.

Michael:
(laughs)

Sheila:
So things have been going well, you've been feeling good and stuff, yeah? Good.

Bob:
You going to draw blood today?

Sheila:
I am going to draw blood.

Bob:
(indecipherable)

Sheila:
Oh, just a couple of tubes.

Bob:
Oh wow.

Title:
Bob gets his treatment through a portocath.

Michael:
So can you explain what a portocath is?

Bob:
A portocath is a little pouch in here, uh, has two, two sections to it. And it is connected...well, you can't really see it, you can see it when I have my shirt off.

Michael:
Sure

Bob:
It, it goes up to the, the jugular vein, connects to the jugular vein, comes up the side here. They can draw from it, draw blood from it, and they can infuse, which is better than, you know, going through the veins I don't have any more.

Cheryl Ross (Bob's daughter):
I also think that the drugs he's had to take have taken a tremendous toll on him. They, it's...they're drugs that attack his mind as well as his body.

Bob:
I carry a list because they, uh...'cause sometimes, you know, they'll ask: when did you have this, when did you have that. It's the drugs.

Michael:
Could you read them to us?

Bob:
Huh?

Michael:
Wou- wou- would you read them to us?

Bob:
Uh, it's 5FU. Lucovorin. CPT11. Oxcilyplatin, which I had mentioned. Zeloda. KRN5500. Avastin, which I got up in Canada. Uh, well then there's other things I had to take, I, Offerin. I take, uh...I can't take asparin anymore, so that's why I have to take the offerin.

Michael:
Did that hurt at all, Bob?

Bob:
I'm so used to it, no. No.

Bob:
(cont)
And they always ask the quesion: any pain? Always. Well, that's what they're looking for. To see if there's any pain. And then they've got a little chart on it...is it the little smiley face or is it the one with the downturned mouth, you know, so they know if it's between one and five.

Michael:
What does the pain mean?

Bob:
Uh, I don't know what...a doctor would be more qualified to answer that question, but....I guess it must mean that....that...some part of the body's being eaten away.

Bob:
(cont)
Yeah, a very very close friend of mine who, in organization together, and we used to boat together a good deal. We'd either go on my boat and go down to the cape or go on his boat and, well, off the south shore. We were-
(laughs)
-in our orgainzation, The Power Squadron, people started calling us the cancer twins. Because we both came down with, or, were diagnosed about the same time, exactly the same thing. OK, so, you know...and we were always together.

Bob:
(cont)
We did a lot of things together. I mean, very very bright guy. As a matter of fact, we used to talk two or three times a week, if we didn't actually see each other. And on a Thursday night I called him, and he said, "Bob," he says, "I'm getting terribly tired." He said, "I, I don't think I can drive in to work any more, so when I go in tomorrow, I'm gonna tell 'em that I, I've gotta, I'm going to have to leave." He died the next morning. He worked, literally, until the last day. Unbelievable.

Michael:
Did his passing change how you, how you viewed your own disease at all?

Bob:
Well, it, it got to me, to be honest with you. Because we were that close.

Michael:
Um, are you personally afraid of dying?

Bob:
No. No. No, just, uh, like everybody else, you hope that it's quick.

Michael:
Yeah.

Bob:
I really don't want something that's going to linger, and cause my wife a lot of work, and a lot of anxiety. Now see Stewie, from his point of view, was perfect. He did all the things that he wanted to do, and the next day he was gone.

cut to black - 0:44:19

Millie:
Helen?

Helen:
Yeah?

Millie:
Come here, turn around. Thumbs up!

Helen & Millie:
(laugh)

Millie:
I told ya. And I only had half a beer-

Helen:
I always say: there's no fool like an-

Helen & Millie:
old fool!
(laugh)

Title:
Helen and Millie are getting ready to celebrate their grandon's graduation

Millie:
What did she have over my head, a knife? You know, as long as she doesn't stab me in the back with it.

Helen:
Oh no, Mill, that's her trick, not mine.

Helen & Millie:
(laugh)

Millie:
Helen, your daughter's making beans-

Helen:
We really love each other, we're in-laws.

Millie:
She's a mother-in-law-

Helen:
And she's a mother-in-law!

Millie:
(laughs)
But I'm the oldest. What am I the oldest-

Helen:
And she keeps reminding us, all the time, and she's younger than all of us.

Millie:
Oldest and the best, I don't know, whatever. We puttin' vodka in here?

Charlene:
Vodka, sure.

Millie:
(laughs)
You drill holes, and then you put vodka in here, and you chill it. Boy, it's the best damn watermelon going.

Title:
Millie has had many operations

Millie:
Everything inside of me has been taken out.
(laughs)

Michael:
You said you had, your knees were replaced-

Millie:
Both knees, replaced so I can't go through...the airport, I have to go through...you know, around. Skin cancer, two breast cancer. Every operation, its...and right now I'm going through throat. They just did two, um, two biopsies on the throat and stomach I'm awaiting results on after another one three months ago. So...I still have a voice. I can't sing! Simply do your level best, God with ease will do the rest. What, what are you banging me on the shoulder for? What did I do wrong?

Helen:
I just pat you one, see? I try to be nice, and she picks on me.

Zoy:
Have a glass of wine, Mill.

Millie:
No, I'm having my beer. And then I'm having a shot.

Michael:
How do you feel now that you've had all your, your operations?

Millie:
You know what? I'm very fortunate. I thank God that I can stand here at eighty-four years old and do what I'm doing with fourteen, fifteen, sixteen operations. And I have to go back in next week for skin cancer, to be sure it's not skin cancer on my eye and the back of this ear. But God's been good to me, and if you, you have to look at it that way. You can't just say, "Oh, I ain't gonna live today." I'm gonna live today. That's enough for a while.
(laughs)

Michael:
That's fine.

Helen:
You want me to take the ribs in?

Robert:
No, those are hot helen. You pick those up....the ribs have to come out.

Helen:
OK. OK, so take them out.
(offers food to Tim, the cameraman)

Tim (cameraman):
I can't work with the camera, I'm sorry.

Helen:
(offers food to Greg, the other cameraman)

Jarrett:
(laughs)

Helen:
Can you work with the camera?

Greg:
(laughs)

Richard:
They've already eaten, Helen.

Jarrett:
Yeah, we've already had some.

Richard:
I took care of them. These guys were off someplace else.

Jarrett:
(to Richard)
How do you define aging?

Richard (Millie's son):
It's in the mind. I mean, you can be old at thirty, you can be old at twenty. Uh it's, it's....one day I'm old because I ache and pains, and the other day I'm young because...yeah, Alicia's laughing, because it's, you know, it's all in your head, I think. My mother's eighty-four and she still enjoys the Red Sox and life, and, it is what the person themselves make. And if they want to be old, if my mom wanted to roll...if you want to be old like Teddy, who doesn't like to go outside, and sits, an old fart in a chair. You know...
(laughs)

Ted:
But I'm old.
(laughs)

Richard:
You are old, Ted.

Millie:
You're not old yet!

Ted:
Oh no?
(laughs)

Richard:
If the person says "I'm not old yet," there's a guy in town who can barely walk but he walks every day up town, and he's, he's in his nineties. And you see this...
(walks)
...he make, it takes him longer each day to get there. But you know, a smile on his face when he gets there, you know. "Hey, I made it again!" You know, so its....I just don't think there is a, a time. I see some kids your age who I think are old. Because they're just set in their ways, and they, you know...

Ted:
It's how they feel. How you feel.

Richard:
They don't want to do anything, they don't want to get off the couch, it's just...life's not going to come to you, you've got to go to it. And I just think, you know... I'm glad that my mom's eighty four and still here.

Millie:
So it's magnificent to grow old. Which is true! If you stay young, and you always should have young thoughts. I know I'm a fuddy duddy about some of the dresses and some of the things that go on today. But I have to shut my mouth and accept them.
(laughs)

cut to black - 0:48:58

Michael:
How will the baby boomers aging affect our society?

Beth:
We're dealing with very, very large numbers, and the numbers are growing. Because the number of elderly are growing.

Title:
Beth is the CEO of Helping Elders at Risk Through Homes (HEARTH)

Beth:
Just look at the following things. The overall Massachusetts budget the past few years has increased on average about three percent per year. The cost of nursing home care, long term care, has increased twelve percent per year. Um, on, on average. So that's just if we didn't have any more elders requiring those services. But then you look on top of that about the numbers of elders. And if we assume that we will have a fourty-six percent, fifty percent increase in the number of people over sixty five between the year 2000 and 2025, if we assume that generally accepted figure is true. Then we're going to have one and a quarter million elders in Massachusetts that we have to care for. Even if the numbers of elders going in to nursing homes remains relatively the same, the percentage remains the same, the sheer number growth is staggering. You could see a fifty percent increase in the number of nursing home beds required. And so because of that, the compounding of all these factors together, say that if we don't take some steps to change the way that we provide services for the frailest portion of our elder population, given the current cost escalation, the impact is just almost unfathomable. I have not seen any projections of the, the effects of all that compounding. I don't think anybody wants to even think about it. It it's that, it's that scary.

Beth:
(cont)
Well, I think that there's a widespread perception that elders have it handled, that if we do anything in this society that we provide for our elderly, and I think that that is a significant misperception.

Title:
HEARTH houses many homeless elders in Boston

Beth:
The average income of our residents is seven hundred sixty three dollars a month. Um, I don't think that people are aware of how little social security pays. How little people have often times, on top of their social security, to support themselves.

Amy O'Doherty (Director of Development - HEARTH):
The biggest thing is that folks just really don't realize that old people are sleeping on the streets. Also, the other thing is I think people find it...think that it's, you know, it's just unconscionable that we would allow this in our society to happen, and I think when people finally realize, um, they are kind of shocked.

Beth:
Um, its just a question of degrees. Its a question of the same problems affecting everybody. But sometimes they just get so great that they drive people into the streets. There are folks who have maybe just a slightly lesser degree of those problems but one thing is the straw that breaks the camel's back that just drives them right over.

Amy:
And I think, and the other shocking thing is, is when they think of themselves and their retirement, and what's going to happen to me? And this could happen to anybody. Our Ruggles Assisted Living facility, which is, um, the first assisted living facility that, we believe, of its kind that's particularly targeted for this population, this very low-income, frail, formerly homeless population, has all the services you would get at any assisted living facility anywhere else.

Title:
Dr Mazur visits John, a resident who is unhappy at Ruggles Assisted Living

Dr Mazur:
John, how you doing?

John:
Hello. All right, doc, what do you wanna ask questions and I'll answer them best I can. Now what's your questions.

Dr Mazur:
OK, well remember last week we talked about, you, you said that you thought that you were going to move out of here.

John:
I still am. I gotta still get out of here. Maybe you know a little more than I do. But I don't feel right here. You don't understand that, do you?

Dr Mazur:
No, I, well, I, just...I'd like you to help me to understand it, I...

John:
I, I'll try. I'm used to doing things by myself.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah.

John:
I mean, I'm used to coming and going, coming and going, I don't have to sign in, I don't have to sign out, if I want to go out one o'clock in the morning, I go out one o...but I just, I mean this place...I, I know....it's something, this place bugs me. I just don't like it here.

Dr Mazur:
Well, OK. I mean, I'm not telling you you can't go, I just want to make sure that you've got this thing planned out, that you're budgeted for it. You've got it, you know-

John:
Yeah, I've got it all planned out.

Dr Mazur:
Well, so what I'm asking is: what's the plan? You, you have to have some sense of a budget, you know, you've got this much money, you need this much to survive on, so how is that going to work?

John:
Wait a minute, I'll show you. I've got something here with it. Yeah, here, read that. That's from my [indecipherable]. That's what he says I got to pay out. Don't ask me what it means...

Dr Mazur:
OK, but see, but the point is you have to ask what this means, because this is, your survival is at stake here. This is poverty level income.

John:
Well, that, I know that.

Dr Mazur:
Yeah. But here's what I'm worried about. You're obviously struggling just trying to figure out what the money means right now.

John:
Um hmm.

Dr Mazur:
You're going to have to do this on your own.

John:
I know.

Dr Mazur:
And, and you know, you're kind of living on the edge out there, as well, on that kind of an income.

John:
So?

Dr Mazur:
And if something goes wrong, you don't have a bail out position, you'll be on the street.

John:
So? I've been there before. I've been there before. I don't give a damn. I know one thing I just gotta get the hell out of here.

Dr Mazur:
Well, all right, I mean, you know I don't want this to feel like I'm trying to impose my will upon you. I certainly have my own agenda about this.

John:
Yeah, I know.

Dr Mazur:
I just, I just don't...I don't want you to do something that's going, you're going to have regrets about later and not have a way of getting it back.

John:
You think I'm going to end up homeless but I'm not. I might end up dead but I wouldn't going to end up homeless. 'Cause that's, that's what I, the way I am.

Dr Mazur:
All right.

Michael:
How'd that go?

Dr Mazur:
Things don't get solved just because someone is housed, and sometimes things get to be problematic. You take care of people where they are, which is, you know...which is on the street or in the shelter or, you know....somewhere where they're marginalized.

Dr Mazur:
(cont)
We're headed down to the bank on Center St. where, where I've run in to this guy, he's seventy-eight years old, he doesn't live anywhere except in the bank. Um, not clear what he has for family, he says he has a son who's just recently got out of, got out of prison. I don't know what that's all about. And he says the two of them are going to find a place to live together, but since that was supposed to have happened it hasn't happened 'cause I see him, I see him out here on the street from time to time and also still in the bank. But basically, he says he's content to stay on the street, he, doesn't matter to him, he says, you know, whether he lives or dies, he's not, he's not going to any shelter and he doesn't have a place to stay. And he has this, what seems to me to be to be a fantasy that he and his son are going to find a place to live together.

Michael:
(to the camera)
Ethan, over this way.

Dr Mazur:
I don't seem him in there. Bank's not going to be happy about this.
(laughs)

Title:
The man is not there

Dr Mazur:
You, you have to be very pragmatic about, you know, this old guy I'm seeing, even though he's not really a patient of mine, I, I know that when I see him it's going to be, it's going to be off hours. It's going to be on the weekends. It's gonna be at night. It's gonna be when I'm going in to use the, the ATM machine, you know...feeling guilty because, you know, I got money and a house to go to and this guy doesn't.

Michael:
Yeah.

Dr Mazur:
But....but it just doesn't feel right. It just does not feel right that, that, in, in this city a guy who is seventy eight years of age needs to live in the kiosk of a bank. It does not feel like it's the socially just solution, or, you know, the right thing to allow that to happen.

cut to black - 0:58:02

Beth:
We have a great, uh, trend, that has happened in this country of denying death in a whole variety of ways that just didn't exist a couple of generations ago. At the turn of the century, the vast majority of individuals in this country were waked in their own living rooms. When grandma died, she was put in a box on a couple of chairs in the living room for people to come pay their obeiscances. That wasn't that long ago. So that people saw death happen in their own homes. They saw it through infant mortality, they saw it through their own extended family. They saw it in the processes that society had for grieving, and for coping with that loss. Um, in the twentieth century what happened, of course, is that we, we were able to have a lot of medical innovations that enabled us to change the average life span, um, and it caused, I think, people to come to believe that they could deny death. And so we don't wake in homes any more. People don't die at the same rate that they did any more. We expect medicine to save everybody. It's too hard for people to face and to deal with. So, yes, we idealize youth, we postpone aging, in any way that we possibly can, and when it happens we don't deal with it in as direct a fashion as we used to any more. Because facing that head on is just too difficult. Well, unfortunately I think it's too difficult because we don't face it head on more often.

cut to black - 0:59:42

Elaine:
We're going to have chicken roll-ups in a pita. So I have it marinating. And my children really love it.

Title:
Bob and Elaine invite us to dinner

Elaine:
And, um, we'll put it on the grill and then we'll slice it up, and then we'll eat it in these big roll-ups. And of course we have Mr. Fun here. Notice he doesn't say a word.

Bob:
(laughs)

Greg:
He's laughing, though.

Elaine:
He's laughing. So that's what we're planning. And then we'll have some fruit, which is good for us. And then we'll have a bad Pepperidge Farm chocolate cake. Which is one of my favorites. And, you always have to have chocolate. I can't set the table, because they're charting a course. God knows where they're going.

Greg:
(laughs)

Michael:
So, um, could you guys tell me a little bit about your week?

Elaine:
My week was, um...I don't, I don't know if you can clinically say I was a little depressed, or if you're depressed you have to be a lot depressed? Or can you just be depressed? I mean, can you just be a little? I suppose. I suppose cause you really get really bad depressed you really want to
(pantomimes stabbing herself)
which I don't think about. But I was a little depressed because...the unknown with Bob. And I'm trying to live life as normally as I can. I think I pretend that Bob isn't sick, and I think when he goes to work I pretend that everything is ok, and then I get hit with reality that everything really isn't ok. We haven't been out to dinner all summer, we haven't done anything because we've been really catering to his medical needs. And he's entitled to that. And I'm just so happy that he's here, I don't care if he's sleeping. And, um, I'm happy that when I wake up in the morning he's still here, and I don't...I don't want to think about waking up with him not being here.

Michael:
Bob, how have you been since we last saw you?

Bob:
They haven't been able to figure out really what's going on. It's some sort of an infection. And they took a CT scan and they found a...darkened area, I don't know what to call it, here and in the liver. Both on the right-hand side. He says, "We're not exactly sure what it is but we're not going to operate to find out."
(coughs)
I'm still coughing.

Elaine:
See, that's new.

Bob:
No it's not new.

Elaine:
It's not new?

Bob:
No it's not new.

Elaine:
See, if I say it's day, he says it's night, if you, I hope you pick this up. If I say, "Do you think it's cold?" He'll say, "No, it's not cold." "Do you think it's warm?" "No, it's not warm, it's cold." Pick this up boy, this is really important so we have this for posterity.

Bob:
I cough during the night, I cough during the night too.

Elaine:
Well I meant it's relatively new, you haven't had it in the last six months, this is a new issue for you.

Bob:
Well, since I was in the hospital 'til now, yeah. Not before that.

Elaine:
Right.

Bob:
Right, that's correct.

Elaine:
So are you agreeing with me?

Bob:
Yeah.

Elaine:
OK.

Bob:
I just hope the pictures that you took in this have some effect on people...I can only talk about colon cancer. And, which is the second highest cancer in the country.

Title:
Bob talks about his first screening for colon cancer

Title:
He had a sigmoidoscopy

Title:
He needed a colonoscopy

Bob:
They did the sigmoidoscopy, course I really didn't recognize the difference between the two, that's the big problem, it was never explained.

Title:
sigmoidoscopy

Bob:
The sigmoidoscopy, procedure is basically the same as far as the insertion and so forth. But it's only inserted a maximum of a foot and a half to two feet. And the colon, actually, in an average adult, is at least nine feet. So that, that means that there's approximately seven feet that they don't look at. And when they did the sigmoidoscopy he said, I remember the doctor's comments, he said, "Clean and pink." OK, that was great. But it wasn't great. Because even the surgeon that operated said that if they had done a colonoscopy three years, four years earlier they would have, they probably could have caught it. More than likely would have caught it. Because they are slow growing cells, they're not fast growers.

Bob:
(cont)
But I'll tell you something, I've made a concerted effort and I've got at least, if not more, a hundred people to have colonoscopies. And they would say, "Well, I would, doctor says I can have a sigmoidoscopy." I said, "You tell him to go to hell. You tell him that you want a colonoscopy." And I've got some notes and letters from people who said, "Thank you very much. They did find one thing or another and were able to solve it and I'm ok, I don't have to go to chemo or anything else."

Elaine:
The only time I have ever seen Bob cry. Ever. Was when I had my colonoscopy and it it came out ok. He was just so thankful. He was in tears. He was holding my hands, crying. The first time I've ever seen him, I, I...in tears.

Michael:
How does that make you feel that something...that you've...you know, that you've been able to change people's lives?

Bob:
I just hope it saved them what I've gone through. That, that's what I hope.

Michael:
One last thing before we go. Is there anything...like Ethan said before, is there anything for the people watching the film in the audience of a theater somewhere, anything that you'd like to say them right now, anything that's really important to you, that you want them to take away?

Bob:
Yeah, look at the bright side of life, you know? You can joke about certain things even though they may not be the greatest things for you, for you personally, but why pass it on to somebody else who...some cases not at all interested. You know, just keep, keep a happy face. And do what you think is right for you, I don't mean overdo it. I mean if something is done and is wrong, and you're not being treated properly, fine, do something about it. I know my wife doesn't like that.
(laughs)
But it, it pays, very definitely. I would say do what you think is best as long as it doesn't hurt anybody to, you know, to do what you're trying to do. Don't sit back, if something is wrong, do something about it, fix it. Because somebody else will benefit from that. I hope.
(laughs)

fade to black

Title:
Bob died on October 5, 2004

fade to black - 1:07:24

Chester:
When I'm with people who have died, when I'm in the room with someone who is dying. I mean, one of the things that you...that never leaves you is that last breath. And then how the body begins to change, and you can almost see this change where something...the body is no longer active. Kind of like the plug has been pulled. And, um, you get a feeling that something else, that plug, is lingering and is around. The spirit is there. And it makes you sort of realize that wow, you know...yes, it all comes to that. And, but then what is the shadow of the person? What did that person leave behind? Because that's how you have to reflect on that person from then on, because that person is no longer there. And that's what we deal with when we do memorials, when we go to church. We deal with the shadows that person left behind. The relationships that person had with other people. The things that were important to that person. The things that made their life special. That hand that will never touch or shake another hand. Arms that will never embrace again. What is the history, what is the shadow those things left behind? And that's the only thing that comfort us, because there is no other way. I mean, only thing that comfort us is our memory. And you know, when we talk about the finality of death, well let's talk about the finality of memory. Because you and I are here. But the last person who remembers us...whenever that happens, when that last person who remembers us dies, we never happened. And that is with life always.

Helen:
Old is something that's beautiful and it comes, and it's like anything else, it's the circle of life. You've got to get old, you have to make room, when it's, your time comes, you're making room for someone else. The exact minute you die a baby that exact second that you're...so...life goes on.

End Credits - 1:09:35