AUSTRALIA
Wasting Away
46’
June 2000
:02:30
KYLIE FERRARI: When you're anorexic, you think you're pretty cool because you think you've got lots of self-control and willpower and everyone else is weak.
NEDA CETINIC, REGISTERED NURSE: It's not a lot that you've lost.
GIRL: Yes, it is! It's 1.4 kilos in two weeks! I haven't even been on a diet!
MORAG RAMSAY: This young woman has lost weight. She suffers from anorexia nervosa, a complex mental illness which has put her in hospital. She's upset because without a weight gain, she won't be allowed home.
:03:30:
Anorexia, at its simplest, is a form of obsessive self-starvation which mostly affects young women. Victims seek self-control in a world where they feel powerless.
Twenty per cent will die. For this film, Four Corners gained access to two clinics.
One is a public hospital adolescent unit and the other is a private counselling service. Tonight, we follow the progress of four young women in danger of wasting away.
:04:01:
DR SIMON CLARKE, MEDICAL DIRECTOR, ADOLESCENT UNIT, WESTMEAD HOSPITAL: Oh, this is the gang, the little gang. Well, Alyssa's gained as much as the other two have lost, so I suppose it's equalised out in this room.
:04:42:
MORAG RAMSAY: At Westmead Hospital in Sydney's west, Dr Simon Clarke heads an adolescent eating disorders unit.
DR SIMON CLARKE: You're losing weight, kid.
MORAG RAMSAY: Here, specialists deal with critical cases.Patients are usually prescribed cans of liquid food supplement and a tough program to change behaviour.
DR SIMON CLARKE: You might have to do some supplements, like Sustagen. It's terrific stuff. You know, just anything that gets the fats back in, because the fats are not missing just from your skin, they're missing from your brain, and that's what makes you depressed.
:05:25:
NURSE: You've got to tell your brain that so it goes down.
TENNILLE FISHER: I've got to psych myself.
MORAG RAMSAY: 17-year-old Tennille has been in hospital for 10 weeks. She was admitted weighing 36 kilos, or just under 6 stone.
LYN FISHER, TENNILLE'S MOTHER: She was with me this day 'cause she wasn't well enough to even go to school, and so I said to her, "You've gotta go to hospital," and she said, "I'm not going. I'm not going." And she ran away. So, for two hours I'm driving around trying to find her, and I couldn't find her anywhere.
:05:55:
So I went back to work and she turned up there. She'd been hiding in the bushes. She was just, "I'm not going -- I'm not going to hospital." I said, "You have to." So, anyhow, we got her in the car and got her out here, and that was it -- she's been here ever since.
:06:11:
DR SIMON CLARKE: With all the weight you're losing, you're going to get depressed, as well as everything being too hard. So everything's on top of you a bit at the moment. And I'm very concerned, we're all very concerned about how sick you are. And we need now to push for a reasonable weight gain over time. So, we need to now come and talk to you about how we get on it, how we make the breakthrough. Because you've a long way to go before you're well enough to go home. And things are just hard at the moment. OK?
:06:54:
TENNILLE FISHER: Will I be going back up to five cans?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yes, probably.
MORAG RAMSAY: With resources falling in the public health system, private counsellors are stepping in. Therapist Amanda Jordan runs a private outpatient clinic. Twenty-year-old Holly had been secretly dieting and purging for more than two years and became dangerously ill four months ago.
:07:29:
HOLLY McGRATH: I just knew I couldn't go on like this, like, that was my main priority in life was when am I going to get to go home so I can binge and throw up? That was my main priority. That's all I wanted to do. Like, it's the same with meals. I end up just going psycho and just not wanting to eat at all. Like, I just want it to be a set thing. And that's it. I don't want to decide.
:07:55:
AMANDA JORDAN, THERAPIST, AUSTRALIS COUNSELLING: You seem to be saying, Holly, that you want to continue to eat in the way that makes you feel safe.
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: Which is basically, one rice cracker, plus one rice cracker, plus one rice cracker, plus, just occasionally, a vegetable or a yoghurt But we're not going to go very far with that kind of eating.
HOLLY McGRATH: But, I mean, what sort of things, like, what -- I don't know what else I can eat without feeling, sort of, like I have to throw up.
:08:35:
MORAG RAMSAY: 14-year-old Liz was admitted to hospital 12 weeks ago, weighing 43 kilograms. This is her second admission to hospital. Despite some initial progress, she's stalled.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh! Boring Liz Cafe.
LIZ CAFE: I'm not boring.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, you're boring. What are we going to do with you over Easter? That's the problem.
:09:00:
LIZ CAFE: I'm going away.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Good luck.
LIZ CAFE: I am.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh.
LIZ CAFE: My mum's coming to talk to you today.
DR SIMON CLARKE: She has.
LIZ CAFE: Oh, she has?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Mmm. I said good luck. I said if you had a decent weight gain, you were going away. But not unless you get a decent weight gain.
:09:18:
LIZ CAFE: Oh, yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, yeah. Yeah. We reach the magic 48 number and we imagine that we're going to stay there till we're 50 years of age. So we want a bit of a push now before you go home on Thursday. I've told your mother there will be no going home on Thursday unless the weight continues to go on. Smile. Doesn't look like a smile to me.
:09:45:
MORAG RAMSAY: Twenty-five-year-old Kylie has battled anorexia for 11 years. She's returned to a normal weight but still struggles with anorexic thinking. She's just told her counsellor that she's given up her gym membership.
KYLIE FERRARI: I suppose it's all part of, like, trying to recover. In that I want to prove to myself that it's OK not to have a gym membership for a while. You know, you can survive.
:10:16:
It's part of these rules that I have, where I have to go to the gym at least three times a week. It's, you know, part of that big list of rules. Like 'Kylie's rules'.
AMANDA JORDAN: How does your boyfriend deal with this?
:10:30:
KYLIE FERRARI: I feel sorry for my boyfriend and I don't know why he puts up with me. He finds it really hard. 'Cause, I mean, now that we sort of live together he finds it hard, 'cause I won't let him cook for me. And for him just to come home and say to me, "Oh, let's go out for dinner tonight," is, like, a really good way to freak Kylie out.
:10:57:
TENNILLE FISHER: How can you up me from three cans to five straightaway?!
DR SIMON CLARKE: Because you've lost weight.
TENNILLE FISHER: But why couldn't I be on four and then you review it on Wednesday?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Because I think you need to go to five today. Just see how you go. You're not drinking very much at the moment, either.
:11:22:
TENNILLE FISHER: Well, I thought the whole idea of this program is to get you into eating again.
DR SIMON CLARKE: It is.
TENNILLE FISHER: Well, how am I going to do it on five cans?!
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, you couldn't be eating much if you've lost 1.3 kilograms.
TENNILLE FISHER: I know, but if I knew this was going to happen, then I would've tried harder, wouldn't I?
DR SIMON CLARKE: The healing process is often for them to get very angry at us.
:11:45:
And it's often they're perfectionistic people locked in families where nobody deals with conflict particularly well, and then once they start to get angry with us, a lot of that comes out. They then hopefully can move on. But we always say you haven't been doing this for long enough unless they've thrown something at you.
MORAG RAMSAY: So you have to be the bad guy?
DR SIMON CLARKE: You have to be the -- yes, you ARE the bad guy. Yes.
:12:12:
TENNILLE FISHER: I said to Mum, I want to get my belly button done. She said, "Do you REALLY want to get it done?"I said, "Yep." She said, "OK."
LIZ CAFE: That's so cool. I can't believe you got it done. Did it hurt?
TENNILLE FISHER: No. I didn't feel him put the needle in until he said, "OK, you can get up now." I'm probably so used to needles now.
:12:33:
MORAG RAMSAY: It's lunchtime, and the unit insists the girls sit down together to eat.
LIZ CAFE: June comes in and goes, "I thought someone was screaming out for help!"
"No, it's Tennille singing!"
Smells like curry, doesn't it?
NURSE: Mmm.
Tastes like curry.
:12:50:
LIZ CAFE: My brother and sister LOVE tandoori chicken wings. They call it 'sticky chicken' -- because it's really, really sticky.
ANDY, KYLIE FERRARI'S BOYFRIEND: We usually eat quite a bit of Asian food -- cook up a curry or a stirfry every now and again, and I think it's about my level of cooking. So I reckon, fry it up and see how we go.
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie has decided to challenge herself. She's agreed to let her boyfriend Andy cook and serve her a meal, something that she's never allowed him to do before.
:13:24:
KYLIE FERRARI: I normally get in there and, "No, no, you do it THIS way and you've got to put this in here, and I don't want that much and that's the wrong bowl -- I don't eat out of that bowl." So -- yeah, it'll be very interesting. 'Cause I'm not allowed to touch it. Oh, you don't need to do that.
ANDY: What?
KYLIE FERRARI: You don't need to do that.
ANDY: It says put a tablespoon in.
:13:47:
KYLIE FERRARI: No, you don't.
Oh, well.
OK.
ANDY: Oh, it's a non-stick wok!
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes, it's a non-stick wok. Did you put the chicken in?
ANDY: I'm going to put the chicken in, don't worry. I'm under control.
:14:02:
KYLIE FERRARI: I so doubt that. What did you put in?
ANDY: Just put the paste in.
KYLIE FERRARI: What's that stuff?
ANDY: That's bok choy. That's good for you.
KYLIE FERRARI: Yeah?
ANDY: Yeah.
KYLIE FERRARI: OK. It's good.
ANDY: Yeah?
:14:34:
KYLIE FERRARI: You cook a lot of rice, don't you?
ANDY: I just thought I'd get rid of it, and put it in the bowl. You don't have to eat it all if you don't want. Want some more chicken or something?
KYLIE FERRARI: Uh-uh. Nup. It's just a lot of rice.
:14:59:
DODIE McGRATH, HOLLY'S SISTER: Do you want me to turn the oven on?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yep.
MORAG RAMSAY: Holly still lives at home. Both her mother Lynne and her sister Dodie have supported her through treatment.
:15:08:
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah. All this butter! I love, love, love cooking. Love it. I think it's my way of, sort of -- 'cause I can't take part in the process of eating the food, I usually cook things that are high in fat. So that every, like, it reassures me, in a way, that I'm not, you know, I'm not eating it. So everyone else can get fat while I stay the same weight.
:15:32:
LYNNE McGRATH, HOLLY'S MOTHER: And we are.
MORAG RAMSAY: Did you suspect something was going on?
LYNNE McGRATH: Yes, yes. I used to just lie in bed and pray, "Please, God, let her go to the toilet, and then I know she's still alive."
MORAG RAMSAY: Until recently, Holly took up to 25 laxatives a day.
:15:48:
HOLLY McGRATH: I know it's probably going to sound really gross, but it's like this satisfaction of just knowing that all that food is out of my stomach. It's like that thrill of just going, like, from a size 12 to a size 8. It's, like, just knowing that all that food I've eaten is out of me. Like, that is what I thrive on. Just knowing that. And that's the same with bingeing and throwing up. When I get upset, most people cry. And I'll just throw up, or, like, binge on food and, like, that's my coping mechanism.
Up here is my headquarters. I've even got my own little sort of loungeroom.
:16:37:
MORAG RAMSAY: Is that one of your idols up there -- Kylie?
HOLLY McGRATH: Kylie. Yeah, for sure. Love her. Love her. She's terrific. We went to her concert. She signed a copy of her CD for me. I have osteoporosis. It can be treated. I can, lucky enough with my age -- I'm only 20 -- so it can be rectified. They do suggest taking, sort of, hormone replacement pills and that sort of stuff. I'm really too scared to start taking anything that could adjust my weight in any way. I'm too frightened to do anything like that.
:17:26:
KYLIE FERRARI: He gave me too much rice.
MORAG RAMSAY: Both Kylie and Andy found dinner tougher than they expected.
KYLIE FERRARI: He said, "Well, I'm sorry." So that was a bit confusing. But I think also it was hard for Andy, 'cause he was really nervous about if it was sort of going to be OK. He was worried about upsetting me.
:17:45:
AMANDA JORDAN: Sounds to me like there's a bit of a performance aspect.
That as you're improving, or as others around you are noting that you're changing and it's much more positive, sounds like it's harder to kind of admit when things are getting pretty wobbly?
KYLIE FERRARI: Yeah. Yeah, it's hard. 'Cause, I mean, Mum and Dad get, you know, they like it if, you know, things are going well. And Andy likes it too, 'cause it makes things easier. But sometimes for me -- I can be freaking out on the inside. But knowing that it means a lot to other people, I try not to show it.
:18:27:
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah, and they expect me to eat on top of that as well, and Mum being gone.
JANET BENSON, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST: When did your mum leave?
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's mother has been forced to take a short business trip overseas, and Tennille is missing her. She's talking to clinical psychologist Janet Benson.
TENNILLE FISHER: She seems to be the only one that I can tell her how I'm feeling and she agrees with me that she doesn't understand. But at least I know that she'll sit there and listen to me. And although we fight a lot, or we used to -- and I'd do anything to take that back, how much I've hurt her.
:19:12:
JANET BENSON: Have you got any plans over this period of time that your mum's away? Are you going to be going out with your dad?
TENNILLE FISHER: I don't know yet. He asked me but I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.
:19:26:
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's father was away for much of her childhood. Since her hospitalisation, he's made a new attempt to develop a relationship with her.
TENNILLE FISHER: The only thing that's really hard to accept is that he hasn't been there for so long. Then, you know, all of a sudden he's in -- not in my face, but he's here a lot.
JANET BENSON: He's come a long way in understanding where you're coming from, and you've set some boundaries and limits, for him to have realistic expectations. Yeah? You think that's right?
:19:57:
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah. But he's still -- he's not Mum. He doesn't compare up to Mum. I mean, I love him with all my heart. But -- he's just missed out on so much that it's so hard to be able to talk to him like -- normal.
:20:14:
JANET BENSON: Hmm. Your mum knows you very well. What does your mum want for you?
TENNILLE FISHER: To be happy.
JANET BENSON: To be happy. Yeah.
TENNILLE FISHER: This is definitely not the place for it.
:20:28:
MORAG RAMSAY: The girls are weighed to see if they're reaching the 1kg-a-week target. They must use their bed pans to make sure they aren't loading their bodies up with water to make themselves heavier. Their urine is tested to make doubly sure.
NEDA CETINIC: Good morning, Tennille.
You awake? White gowns, wees, and we'll weigh you. Morning, Rebecca. You awake? For weighs?
:21:09:
MORAG RAMSAY: If they genuinely put on weight this week, they'll be allowed out of the hospital for Easter.
NEDA CETINIC: Morning, Elizabeth. Wee-wees, white gown, and we'll weigh you. We're aiming for 40kg.
MORAG RAMSAY: Is it usually pretty tense?
NEDA CETINIC: It is, it is. There's a lot of tears after it, and a lot of ringing mothers and crying, and saying, "It's not fair." 40.5. OK. Thank you. That's not the way. Your undies should be off. I told you to get rid of all your clothes underneath. Go and do that, and tie it up at the back, both of you.
:21:57:
MORAG RAMSAY: What's happened?
NEDA CETINIC: They've left their underwear on. By mistake.
MORAG RAMSAY: What does that do?
NEDA CETINIC: Well, I mean, they could put things in their underwear. That's why we get them to take it all off bar the white gowns tied up at the back. They're very sneaky. I mean, we get weighed every second day, so the kids should know. I mean, they're here for 15 weeks. OK. That's fine.
:22:31
LIZ CAFE: No, it's not.
LIZ CAFE: I'm not going to be able to go on holidays.
NEDA CETINIC: You've only been here for a short while, haven't you?
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Yeah. Since Friday.
NEDA CETINIC: First time I've weighed you.
REBECCA SHEPHARD: This is my second.
NEDA CETINIC: You enjoying the stay here?
:22:52:
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Oh, it's OK. As good as a hospital stay could be, I guess.
LIZ CAFE: I fully thought I'd GAIN! I won't go anywhere today. I'll try really hard and I'll put on like half a kilo. I'll eat all day. I am. I'm going to stuff myself stupid. They'll think I'm bulimic!
GIRL: They'll change your diagnosis.
SECOND GIRL: Excessive eater.
:23:22:
MORAG RAMSAY: Holly's diet contains virtually no nutrition, so Amanda has brought in the team's dietitian, Sue, to work out a meal plan.
SUE WRIGHT, NUTRITIONIST: So how many grams of fat, Holly, are you working on each day?
HOLLY McGRATH: I'd like to say under two.
SUE WRIGHT: Under two grams of fat? So I guess we're talking a couple of things here -- we're moving rice crackers to a snack. We need to look at lunch, evening meal -- perhaps vegetables on a plate that you've prepared. And that's it. And I'd be really happy to see you, knife and fork, plate, with vegetables. Is that daunting?
:24:10:
HOLLY McGRATH: A bit. Yeah.
SUE WRIGHT: That's all I want. A plate. Four vegetables. And we're, sort of, now, I guess, resembling a meal. Well, stretching it. How do you feel about that? Can you do that?
:24:33:
HOLLY McGRATH: I can do it.But I won't like it. I won't enjoy it, like I enjoy the rice crackers.
SUE WRIGHT: You haven't had dinner yet, have you?
HOLLY McGRATH: No.
SUE WRIGHT: And this isn't being put off till tomorrow.
:24:50:
HOLLY McGRATH: So I've got to do this tonight?
SUE: Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely. What's going to stop you?
HOLLY McGRATH: I don't know --
:25:02
SUE WRIGHT: There's nothing.
MORAG RAMSAY: When you said that you'd got down to 35 kilos, and that you'd want to go lower, are you scared that you might go too far?
TENNILLE FISHER: I wasn't, because I'd never had any physical signs. I'd never fainted. I always had my energy. I don't look sick.You know, you're comparing yourself constantly to everybody else. And you think, I don't need to be in here. That's the constant battle you're thinking about. There's so many other people out there that need to be in here, and I don't.
:25:37:
MORAG RAMSAY: So what was the weight that you had in mind?
TENNILLE FISHER: I wanted to get down to about probably 32kg. I didn't, but the thing is, I didn't constantly watch the weight. I just looked at myself and thought, "Oh, you still need to drop a bit more." And people were constantly saying to me all the time, "Oh, you need help. You look sick."
MORAG RAMSAY: But you weren't scared that you might die?
TENNILLE FISHER: No.
:26:10:
MORAG RAMSAY: That never entered your head?
TENNILLE FISHER: No. Didn't scare me about children or anything like that.
MORAG RAMSAY: So none of the warnings as to what could be a consequence -- whether it be trouble with kids, having kids.
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah.
MORAG RAMSAY: Osteoporosis or even death -- none of that worried you?
TENNILLE FISHER: Nup. 'Cause I always thought, "It won't be me, it won't happen to me."
:26:35:
MORAG RAMSAY: The staff at the adolescent unit meet several times a week to assess how the girls are going. This is the last review before the Easter break.
DR LILA STEPHENS, ADOLESCENT REGISTRAR: OK. I'll start, with Liz. She's 47.7, which is 200 grams down from Monday. So I think she's doing actually really quite well not to have lost too much.
:26:58:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Mm-hm. Liz is playing games.
DR LILA STEPHENS: She's hovering around the 48, isn't she, with great precision.
MANDY EMMET-LEY, OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST: She doesn't want to go home.
DR SIMON CLARKE: She went over 48 last time and rebounded. And she doesn't look good.
MANDY EMMET-LEY: No, she doesn't. Shall we go on to Tennille?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Only if it's good news.
:27:26:
DR LILA STEPHENS: Well, what do you think? She's 40.5, so she's up 500 grams, after your little talk.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Fantastic! Isn't that glorious?
MORAG RAMSAY: As part of the holiday program, the girls are taken out to the Royal Easter Show.
LIZ CAFE: They're looking a bit full. Ugh! Oh, there's that shit smell.
:27:40:
TENNILLE FISHER: Look at the little piglets! Look at the size of her nipples!
LIZ CAFE: Looking at them sucking on it -- it's making the whole thing move!
TENNILLE FISHER: Oh, yuck! That's gross! Imagine having tits all down your stomach!
I want to get one of the old wigs. Push it forward a bit more.
:28:17:
LIZ CAFE: My mum will die. I'm going to wear this down the coast tonight.
MORAG RAMSAY: While Liz was at the Easter Show, her stepfather called, expecting her to be ready to leave for their family holiday. She decided to ring him, to let him know when she was allowed to go.
LIZ CAFE: Mum told me you were coming at 2:00. She did!
GIRL: Yeah, it's not your fault.
:29:06:
NURSE: What's wrong?
LIZ CAFE: He hung up on me.
NURSE: Who did?
SECOND NURSE: Your dad? Have you got a number? Give it to me and I'll give him a call back.
MORAG RAMSAY: Later, Liz's mother called, angry about the confusion.
:29:27:
LIZ CAFE: I dunno, he just hung up on me, Mum! At 2:00! Why couldn't he ring ME?
DR LILA STEPHENS: So, Liz --
DR SIMON CLARKE: Dropping again.
:29:48:
MORAG RAMSAY: The Westmead team is back after the Easter break. Liz did get away for a holiday, but it wasn't a success -- her weight dropped by over half a kilo.
DR LILA STEPHENS: But there was considerable family flux over the weekend. They fought halfway down the coast and didn't speak for the rest of the time down there. And she's saying that she's scared of reaching 50 because she thinks she'll go home and if she goes home and things haven't changed, it'll be just like it was when she was discharged from the last hospital.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Weight's not the problem.
:30:20:
DR LILA STEPHENS: No. No, the family's the thing.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. The family's the problem.
ANNE LONG, LIZ'S MOTHER: I nearly cried. She couldn't swim 100m of butterfly.
MORAG RAMSAY: Concerned by the family tensions over Easter, Dr Clarke has called in Liz's mother Anne and her stepfather Peter for a family therapy session.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. You told me an interesting thing the other day. You said you hate fights at home. And they're awful to you because you don't know when anything's going to stop. Is that right?
:30:59:
LIZ CAFE: Yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. But that's, that was from before, wasn't it? A long time ago.
LIZ CAFE: Well, I still don't like fights.
ANNE LONG: I don't think anyone does.
PETER LONG, LIZ'S STEPFATHER: No-one does, Liz.
DR SIMON CLARKE: No. No-one does.
:31:17:
LIZ CAFE: I think I take it harder than other people. I don't get over it as quickly as other people. I usually keep thinking about it and feel really bad about it, and think it's my fault.
DR SIMON CLARKE: And one thing we have to get you to stop doing is to stop blaming yourself for the arguments, huh? Hard, isn't it?
:31:44:
ANNE LONG: When Elizabeth and I have a disagreement, she doesn't worry about it, because she knows I'm Mum, and at the end of the day, I'm still going to love her. But because Peter's her stepdad, if her and Peter have a falling out, she really takes it to heart. And, like, Peter and I talked about it and, like, I said to Liz, like she needs to learn to trust in Peter's love. Because Peter at the end of the day is still going to love Liz. And it's normal for teenagers to have fights with their parents.
:32:11:
PETER LONG: I love you so much and I just want to be your dad. And you've got a home, we've got everything going for us now. So let's just all move on.
LIZ CAFE: Well, some of the, like, little arguments we've had lately, I've sort of, wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in here and if I didn't get sick and if I could have got better.
:32:37:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, hang on. Have we just blamed ourself for being sick? Did you hear that?
PARENTS: Yes.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We never, ever blame anybody for having anorexia nervosa. Alright? OK? Anorexia nervosa is not a silly little thing that just happens to you. It's a great big illness that nobody asks for. Alright? You being in here tells us that all is not well. Alright? And it's not your fault. OK? So what we have to do is make it better out there. Alright?
:33:17:
HOLLY McGRATH: I'm scared it's going to happen so quickly. One day I'm going to be like this and the next I'm going to be like this. And I'm really scared of that.
AMANDA JORDAN: I can tell you're scared, but what are you basing it on? When has that happened?
HOLLY McGRATH: It hasn't, but I'm frightened it will. That's what I'm scared of. Like, I don't need evidence. You know what I'm like. I just make up things, like my numbers.
:33:41:
AMANDA JORDAN: Is the terror the food?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: How does Holly change when Holly puts on weight?
HOLLY McGRATH: I get miserable. I'm so mean to everyone and I don't want to be like that. I just wanna be happy and I don't wanna be angry, and, like, I'm always angry at Dad. I always take everything out on him. And he hasn't done anything. And I don't want to be angry at everybody.
:34:19:
AMANDA JORDAN: You're searching for a happy way through this? You seem to stake so much of your happiness based on looking thin, I suspect it could be quite difficult for you to learn to eat again.
:34:30:
DR LILA STEPHENS: We've got Tennille. She's week 13. She went out with her girlfriend on Sunday with some other friends and she tells me that they stopped for hot chips and she wouldn't eat any so they threw the hot chips at her. And she was crying when she was telling me this. Over the weekend one of the other girls has started bingeing and purging. And Tennille has confided in me, I mean, in her attempt to justify having lost weight over the weekend that she's sort of in sympathy vomiting. But I must admit that every Monday or Wednesday she grabs me and has another plausible excuse for having lost weight.
:35:30:
DR SIMON CLARKE: She's got the best excuses of all time. We have some idea of how hard it was for you, alright?
MORAG RAMSAY: Dr Clarke is concerned that Tennille is taking on responsibility for Rebecca, one of the other patients.
:35:43:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, Tennille, we're running round you all the time. I'm exhausted.
TENNILLE FISHER: I'm running round after somebody else all the time.
DR SIMON CLARKE: I know.
TENNILLE FISHER: I'm exhausted too.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We're going to deal with that right now. OK. So don't keep running around after somebody else. That's our job. Alright? Thanks for your help. OK? Don't feel responsible for the Western world. Feel responsible for Tennille. Alright? Dad's come back and everything's blown up again, hasn't it?
:36:15:
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Yeah, it's made it a bit difficult, but yesterday I made myself eat and I didn't throw it up at all, and I was proud of that. I know you probably don't believe me, but Tennille stayed with me the whole day.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yep.
REBECCA SHEPHARD: And I feel a little bit better. I've decided I just want to get out.
:36:36:
DR SIMON CLARKE: OK. But, what we're saying is, these kids find it enormously stressful because they're such responsible kids. What we'd like you to do, is we want you to pick a staff member, alright?
REBECCA SHEPHARD: OK.
:36:50:
DR SIMON CLARKE: That's what they're there for.
LYN FISHER: It's so good that you've got a night at home.
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's progress has stalled. With the return of her mother, the unit has decided to make some major decisions about Tennille's future.
:37:10:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, how's Madame doing? Not well.At all. Really. Because she's reached 40, but she's still not lifting up beyond 40. So, it's 14 weeks.
:37:25:
TENNILLE FISHER: I think I've made some progress, but not enough.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Not enough. No.
LYN FISHER: Why? Are you just not eating at all?
TENNILLE FISHER: No, I have been, but -- I don't know.
LYN FISHER: Are you throwing up or something, to be losing?
:37:40:
TENNILLE FISHER: That's what I hadn't gotten to talk to you about yet.
DR SIMON CLARKE: That's to be expected. We need to start thinking about where we're going from here. Where we go with Tennille in terms of the program, whether this program is complex enough for Tennille, or whether we need to think of another program.
LYN FISHER: What other programs are there?
:38:02:
DR SIMON CLARKE: It would be in either one of the psychiatric wards in the hospital. You'd have to think that unless we make a move soon, because everybody else is gaining, most people are gaining weight, but Tennille's stopped. So we're not getting past this. Say we've got three weeks to get to X, and if we don't make it, then it would give us time to prepare the other programs and see if they've got space and that sort of thing and we can then move on. But I don't want to do that.
:38:45:
LYN FISHER: A bit harsh, isn't it?
DR SIMON CLARKE: It's not harsh, because the other programs are very good. It may be that that's what's needed to make the move.
LYN FISHER: What do they do in the psychiatric ward?
:38:56:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, again, you'd be in groups with other patients, or either, at one or the other places, you'd be in a school still, at the other place. But we'll have to see if they've got a bed.
LYN FISHER: But what difference -- what do they do differently there?
DR SIMON CLARKE: They have more intense programs. They have more, probably more therapists, more time in family therapy, etc.
:39:30:
LYN FISHER: Well, I think if you don't gain, that's the only thing you're going to have to do.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah.
TENNILLE FISHER: I think -- I know you're going to really hate me for bringing this up again, but I think -- I'm still worried about the goal weight.
DR SIMON CLARKE: What do you think the goal weight should be?
TENNILLE FISHER: I don't think it should be 46, because I won't be able to maintain that.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well what do you think it should be? I wouldn't mind 41kg at the moment.
:39:58:
LYN FISHER: Yeah, anything would be better.
DR SIMON CLARKE: But it's not going to be 41kg. It needs to be more than that.
TENNILLE FISHER: If I can maintain it, 43.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Fine. But how long is it going to take us to get there?
TENNILLE FISHER: I've got to get out of here. I've had enough now.
:40:15:
AMANDA JORDAN: You like being in charge. That's something I've noticed.
HOLLY McGRATH: Dodie can sit next to me.
DODIE McGRATH: Oh, I'll sit next to you. I'm special.
DAVID McGRATH, HOLLY'S FATHER: Right. We're all in now.
:40:28:
MORAG RAMSAY: At 37kg, Holly's lighter than many of the girls in hospital. Her counselling team are quietly concerned that her family is not being firm enough.
DAVID McGRATH: I think I'd be worried really about the bone prognosis and that.
AMANDA JORDAN: The osteoporosis.
DAVID McGRATH: Yeah. I think that should improve. I'm not sure how you measure that, but I think that's a real worry.
:40:54:
AMANDA JORDAN: What are you going to do to actually strengthen your bones? What, you know, what's the plan? It's not going to happen by magic.
HOLLY McGRATH: I'm just sorry. I'm just really sick of being dictated to, that's all. I'm just sick of following plans. I just really am. I just want to get on with things. Wanna forget about it. If I break my bones, I break my bones. Like, seriously.
:41:20:
LYNNE McGRATH: She wants to be a normal person.
HOLLY McGRATH: I do. I really do. I've had four months just to sit and just to stew on this problem, and I'm sick of it. I really am. I just had enough.
:41:30:
LYNNE McGRATH: She knows that we've got faith in her. And I think while she feels that we believe in her, she'll do it. We all pray hard enough.
:41:45:
AMANDA JORDAN: Would you have expected to get a harder time from us? In that session?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: What were you anticipating?
HOLLY McGRATH: That everybody would start, like, everyone would gang up against me. And I kept thinking that everyone would sort of start saying, "Oh, you've gotta do this. You've gotta do that." And that Mum and Dad would agree with you.
:42:11:
AMANDA JORDAN: I guess I would wonder whether ganging up on you might not be the way to go.
HOLLY McGRATH: No. Like, I've always said no matter how many times people just push and push and tell me all these things that I've gotta do, I still just resort back into thinking, "Oh, well, other people have gone through it. Other people have lived through it." You know. I will too. And if I don't, well --
:42:36:
AMANDA JORDAN: 'Cause other people have died.
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah. I know.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We're taking down "Ambulent" and putting up --
NURSE: "Bedrest with toilet privileges."
DR SIMON CLARKE: "Bedrest with toilet privileges."
:42:50:
MORAG RAMSAY: The girls on the ward failed to put on weight over the weekend, so their movements and activities have been restricted.
DR SIMON CLARKE: I've never seen such a good holiday program and everybody lost weight. So we thought, well, this is silly. We do the right thing, everybody loses weight, so it's back to the old strict behavioural program. And a proper behavioural program starts Monday to Monday, and if you don't gain a kilo, you conserve energy.
:43:14:
GIRL: If I gain a kilo by next Monday, am I off bedrest?
DR SIMON CLARKE: You're off bedrest. You're both off bedrest. I think a lot of your sadness comes from the fact that you're just not eating well enough. We know that makes you sad.
TENNILLE FISHER: It's got nothing to do with that.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Nothing to do with that.
OK.
TENNILLE FISHER: Maybe it does have to do with it, but that's not why I'm so angry.
:43:45:
DR SIMON CLARKE: OK. Well, you gain weight and then we'll all be less angry. Alright?
:43:00:
MORAG RAMSAY: The last few weeks have been stressful for Kylie. After six years of work, she's about to qualify as a social worker.
AMANDA JORDAN: Well, momentous week. That's what my birdies have told me.
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes. Momentous.
AMANDA JORDAN: Mmm. Why?
KYLIE FERRARI: Why has my week been momentous?
AMANDA JORDAN: Yeah.
KYLIE FERRARI: Well, Andy moved out. That was momentous. And I graduate tomorrow.
AMANDA JORDAN: Right. Now, could we just backtrack a little bit? What was the first thing that happened?
:44:40:
KYLIE FERRARI: Andy moved out. Were they the big things you were talking about?
AMANDA JORDAN: I didn't know. So I'm just sitting here just hoping you'll fill me in.
:44:53:
KYLIE FERRARI: I felt like really claustrophobic and suffocated, and he was finding things difficult, I think, being with me at the moment, with how I'd been for a little while, and I think everything just got a bit too much.
AMANDA JORDAN: Was it a bit too much for Andy, or a bit too much for you?
KYLIE FERRARI: Bit too much for me, I think. And I think it was a bit too much for Andy.
:45:16:
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie's applied for a job at Westmead Hospital.
AMANDA JORDAN: I have to say you're seeming very composed. Given that you're trying to move into this new phase in life, particularly, say, you're working in a hospital environment, where there is an eating disorders unit, you're going to be confronted by girls who are very underweight, who are emaciated. What effect does that have on you?
:45:40:
KYLIE FERRARI: Sometimes when I see people like that I feel inadequate, because I've had an eating disorder. But then that's only in my head, 'cause no-one else around me knows I've had an eating disorder. And the girls don't know I've had an eating disorder. So to them, they wouldn't be looking at me and going, "Oh, she's a failed anorexic." You know, which is sometimes how you feel when you're around these people.
:46:07:
AMANDA JORDAN: A failed anorexic?
KYLIE FERRARI: Do you know what I mean? You don't know what I mean when I say that.
AMANDA JORDAN: I have a sense, but I'd rather you tell me.
KYLIE FERRARI: Well, I mean, when you're anorexic, you think you're pretty cool, 'cause you think you've got lots of self-control and willpower and everyone else is weak. And I think that, when I say a failed anorexic, it's like I've lost my willpower, Do you know what I mean?
AMANDA JORDAN: And paradoxically you've gained your life.
:46:37:
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes, but that's -- And then, what I was going to go on to say was other times I feel like saying to them, "You lose so much." You know, like sometimes I feel like shaking people and saying, "You lose so much." Like, I'm 25 and I've been doing this crap for 11 years. And that's just such a chunk of your life.
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie has started her job as a social worker at Westmead Hospital. Holly stopped therapy for three weeks but has decided to resume.
:47:26:
TENNILLE FISHER: It's exactly 4 months and 3 days -- I've been here.
LIZ CAFE: 5 months and -- 1 -- 2 -- third day today.
DR SIMON CLARKE: It really is time, we think now, to go home.
LIZ CAFE: I'm going home today?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Uh-huh.
LIZ CAFE: I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!
:47:46:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Had enough hospital?
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, Tennille. Oh, you do disappoint me. We thought you loved us. Well, sort of.
TENNILLE FISHER: Just a little bit.
DR SIMON CLARKE: A little bit.
END :48:30:
---------
Reporter: Morag Ramsay
Producer: & Photograper: Paul Costello
Research: Morag Ramsay
Wasting Away
46’
June 2000
:02:30
KYLIE FERRARI: When you're anorexic, you think you're pretty cool because you think you've got lots of self-control and willpower and everyone else is weak.
NEDA CETINIC, REGISTERED NURSE: It's not a lot that you've lost.
GIRL: Yes, it is! It's 1.4 kilos in two weeks! I haven't even been on a diet!
MORAG RAMSAY: This young woman has lost weight. She suffers from anorexia nervosa, a complex mental illness which has put her in hospital. She's upset because without a weight gain, she won't be allowed home.
:03:30:
Anorexia, at its simplest, is a form of obsessive self-starvation which mostly affects young women. Victims seek self-control in a world where they feel powerless.
Twenty per cent will die. For this film, Four Corners gained access to two clinics.
One is a public hospital adolescent unit and the other is a private counselling service. Tonight, we follow the progress of four young women in danger of wasting away.
:04:01:
DR SIMON CLARKE, MEDICAL DIRECTOR, ADOLESCENT UNIT, WESTMEAD HOSPITAL: Oh, this is the gang, the little gang. Well, Alyssa's gained as much as the other two have lost, so I suppose it's equalised out in this room.
:04:42:
MORAG RAMSAY: At Westmead Hospital in Sydney's west, Dr Simon Clarke heads an adolescent eating disorders unit.
DR SIMON CLARKE: You're losing weight, kid.
MORAG RAMSAY: Here, specialists deal with critical cases.Patients are usually prescribed cans of liquid food supplement and a tough program to change behaviour.
DR SIMON CLARKE: You might have to do some supplements, like Sustagen. It's terrific stuff. You know, just anything that gets the fats back in, because the fats are not missing just from your skin, they're missing from your brain, and that's what makes you depressed.
:05:25:
NURSE: You've got to tell your brain that so it goes down.
TENNILLE FISHER: I've got to psych myself.
MORAG RAMSAY: 17-year-old Tennille has been in hospital for 10 weeks. She was admitted weighing 36 kilos, or just under 6 stone.
LYN FISHER, TENNILLE'S MOTHER: She was with me this day 'cause she wasn't well enough to even go to school, and so I said to her, "You've gotta go to hospital," and she said, "I'm not going. I'm not going." And she ran away. So, for two hours I'm driving around trying to find her, and I couldn't find her anywhere.
:05:55:
So I went back to work and she turned up there. She'd been hiding in the bushes. She was just, "I'm not going -- I'm not going to hospital." I said, "You have to." So, anyhow, we got her in the car and got her out here, and that was it -- she's been here ever since.
:06:11:
DR SIMON CLARKE: With all the weight you're losing, you're going to get depressed, as well as everything being too hard. So everything's on top of you a bit at the moment. And I'm very concerned, we're all very concerned about how sick you are. And we need now to push for a reasonable weight gain over time. So, we need to now come and talk to you about how we get on it, how we make the breakthrough. Because you've a long way to go before you're well enough to go home. And things are just hard at the moment. OK?
:06:54:
TENNILLE FISHER: Will I be going back up to five cans?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yes, probably.
MORAG RAMSAY: With resources falling in the public health system, private counsellors are stepping in. Therapist Amanda Jordan runs a private outpatient clinic. Twenty-year-old Holly had been secretly dieting and purging for more than two years and became dangerously ill four months ago.
:07:29:
HOLLY McGRATH: I just knew I couldn't go on like this, like, that was my main priority in life was when am I going to get to go home so I can binge and throw up? That was my main priority. That's all I wanted to do. Like, it's the same with meals. I end up just going psycho and just not wanting to eat at all. Like, I just want it to be a set thing. And that's it. I don't want to decide.
:07:55:
AMANDA JORDAN, THERAPIST, AUSTRALIS COUNSELLING: You seem to be saying, Holly, that you want to continue to eat in the way that makes you feel safe.
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: Which is basically, one rice cracker, plus one rice cracker, plus one rice cracker, plus, just occasionally, a vegetable or a yoghurt But we're not going to go very far with that kind of eating.
HOLLY McGRATH: But, I mean, what sort of things, like, what -- I don't know what else I can eat without feeling, sort of, like I have to throw up.
:08:35:
MORAG RAMSAY: 14-year-old Liz was admitted to hospital 12 weeks ago, weighing 43 kilograms. This is her second admission to hospital. Despite some initial progress, she's stalled.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh! Boring Liz Cafe.
LIZ CAFE: I'm not boring.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, you're boring. What are we going to do with you over Easter? That's the problem.
:09:00:
LIZ CAFE: I'm going away.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Good luck.
LIZ CAFE: I am.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh.
LIZ CAFE: My mum's coming to talk to you today.
DR SIMON CLARKE: She has.
LIZ CAFE: Oh, she has?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Mmm. I said good luck. I said if you had a decent weight gain, you were going away. But not unless you get a decent weight gain.
:09:18:
LIZ CAFE: Oh, yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, yeah. Yeah. We reach the magic 48 number and we imagine that we're going to stay there till we're 50 years of age. So we want a bit of a push now before you go home on Thursday. I've told your mother there will be no going home on Thursday unless the weight continues to go on. Smile. Doesn't look like a smile to me.
:09:45:
MORAG RAMSAY: Twenty-five-year-old Kylie has battled anorexia for 11 years. She's returned to a normal weight but still struggles with anorexic thinking. She's just told her counsellor that she's given up her gym membership.
KYLIE FERRARI: I suppose it's all part of, like, trying to recover. In that I want to prove to myself that it's OK not to have a gym membership for a while. You know, you can survive.
:10:16:
It's part of these rules that I have, where I have to go to the gym at least three times a week. It's, you know, part of that big list of rules. Like 'Kylie's rules'.
AMANDA JORDAN: How does your boyfriend deal with this?
:10:30:
KYLIE FERRARI: I feel sorry for my boyfriend and I don't know why he puts up with me. He finds it really hard. 'Cause, I mean, now that we sort of live together he finds it hard, 'cause I won't let him cook for me. And for him just to come home and say to me, "Oh, let's go out for dinner tonight," is, like, a really good way to freak Kylie out.
:10:57:
TENNILLE FISHER: How can you up me from three cans to five straightaway?!
DR SIMON CLARKE: Because you've lost weight.
TENNILLE FISHER: But why couldn't I be on four and then you review it on Wednesday?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Because I think you need to go to five today. Just see how you go. You're not drinking very much at the moment, either.
:11:22:
TENNILLE FISHER: Well, I thought the whole idea of this program is to get you into eating again.
DR SIMON CLARKE: It is.
TENNILLE FISHER: Well, how am I going to do it on five cans?!
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, you couldn't be eating much if you've lost 1.3 kilograms.
TENNILLE FISHER: I know, but if I knew this was going to happen, then I would've tried harder, wouldn't I?
DR SIMON CLARKE: The healing process is often for them to get very angry at us.
:11:45:
And it's often they're perfectionistic people locked in families where nobody deals with conflict particularly well, and then once they start to get angry with us, a lot of that comes out. They then hopefully can move on. But we always say you haven't been doing this for long enough unless they've thrown something at you.
MORAG RAMSAY: So you have to be the bad guy?
DR SIMON CLARKE: You have to be the -- yes, you ARE the bad guy. Yes.
:12:12:
TENNILLE FISHER: I said to Mum, I want to get my belly button done. She said, "Do you REALLY want to get it done?"I said, "Yep." She said, "OK."
LIZ CAFE: That's so cool. I can't believe you got it done. Did it hurt?
TENNILLE FISHER: No. I didn't feel him put the needle in until he said, "OK, you can get up now." I'm probably so used to needles now.
:12:33:
MORAG RAMSAY: It's lunchtime, and the unit insists the girls sit down together to eat.
LIZ CAFE: June comes in and goes, "I thought someone was screaming out for help!"
"No, it's Tennille singing!"
Smells like curry, doesn't it?
NURSE: Mmm.
Tastes like curry.
:12:50:
LIZ CAFE: My brother and sister LOVE tandoori chicken wings. They call it 'sticky chicken' -- because it's really, really sticky.
ANDY, KYLIE FERRARI'S BOYFRIEND: We usually eat quite a bit of Asian food -- cook up a curry or a stirfry every now and again, and I think it's about my level of cooking. So I reckon, fry it up and see how we go.
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie has decided to challenge herself. She's agreed to let her boyfriend Andy cook and serve her a meal, something that she's never allowed him to do before.
:13:24:
KYLIE FERRARI: I normally get in there and, "No, no, you do it THIS way and you've got to put this in here, and I don't want that much and that's the wrong bowl -- I don't eat out of that bowl." So -- yeah, it'll be very interesting. 'Cause I'm not allowed to touch it. Oh, you don't need to do that.
ANDY: What?
KYLIE FERRARI: You don't need to do that.
ANDY: It says put a tablespoon in.
:13:47:
KYLIE FERRARI: No, you don't.
Oh, well.
OK.
ANDY: Oh, it's a non-stick wok!
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes, it's a non-stick wok. Did you put the chicken in?
ANDY: I'm going to put the chicken in, don't worry. I'm under control.
:14:02:
KYLIE FERRARI: I so doubt that. What did you put in?
ANDY: Just put the paste in.
KYLIE FERRARI: What's that stuff?
ANDY: That's bok choy. That's good for you.
KYLIE FERRARI: Yeah?
ANDY: Yeah.
KYLIE FERRARI: OK. It's good.
ANDY: Yeah?
:14:34:
KYLIE FERRARI: You cook a lot of rice, don't you?
ANDY: I just thought I'd get rid of it, and put it in the bowl. You don't have to eat it all if you don't want. Want some more chicken or something?
KYLIE FERRARI: Uh-uh. Nup. It's just a lot of rice.
:14:59:
DODIE McGRATH, HOLLY'S SISTER: Do you want me to turn the oven on?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yep.
MORAG RAMSAY: Holly still lives at home. Both her mother Lynne and her sister Dodie have supported her through treatment.
:15:08:
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah. All this butter! I love, love, love cooking. Love it. I think it's my way of, sort of -- 'cause I can't take part in the process of eating the food, I usually cook things that are high in fat. So that every, like, it reassures me, in a way, that I'm not, you know, I'm not eating it. So everyone else can get fat while I stay the same weight.
:15:32:
LYNNE McGRATH, HOLLY'S MOTHER: And we are.
MORAG RAMSAY: Did you suspect something was going on?
LYNNE McGRATH: Yes, yes. I used to just lie in bed and pray, "Please, God, let her go to the toilet, and then I know she's still alive."
MORAG RAMSAY: Until recently, Holly took up to 25 laxatives a day.
:15:48:
HOLLY McGRATH: I know it's probably going to sound really gross, but it's like this satisfaction of just knowing that all that food is out of my stomach. It's like that thrill of just going, like, from a size 12 to a size 8. It's, like, just knowing that all that food I've eaten is out of me. Like, that is what I thrive on. Just knowing that. And that's the same with bingeing and throwing up. When I get upset, most people cry. And I'll just throw up, or, like, binge on food and, like, that's my coping mechanism.
Up here is my headquarters. I've even got my own little sort of loungeroom.
:16:37:
MORAG RAMSAY: Is that one of your idols up there -- Kylie?
HOLLY McGRATH: Kylie. Yeah, for sure. Love her. Love her. She's terrific. We went to her concert. She signed a copy of her CD for me. I have osteoporosis. It can be treated. I can, lucky enough with my age -- I'm only 20 -- so it can be rectified. They do suggest taking, sort of, hormone replacement pills and that sort of stuff. I'm really too scared to start taking anything that could adjust my weight in any way. I'm too frightened to do anything like that.
:17:26:
KYLIE FERRARI: He gave me too much rice.
MORAG RAMSAY: Both Kylie and Andy found dinner tougher than they expected.
KYLIE FERRARI: He said, "Well, I'm sorry." So that was a bit confusing. But I think also it was hard for Andy, 'cause he was really nervous about if it was sort of going to be OK. He was worried about upsetting me.
:17:45:
AMANDA JORDAN: Sounds to me like there's a bit of a performance aspect.
That as you're improving, or as others around you are noting that you're changing and it's much more positive, sounds like it's harder to kind of admit when things are getting pretty wobbly?
KYLIE FERRARI: Yeah. Yeah, it's hard. 'Cause, I mean, Mum and Dad get, you know, they like it if, you know, things are going well. And Andy likes it too, 'cause it makes things easier. But sometimes for me -- I can be freaking out on the inside. But knowing that it means a lot to other people, I try not to show it.
:18:27:
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah, and they expect me to eat on top of that as well, and Mum being gone.
JANET BENSON, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST: When did your mum leave?
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's mother has been forced to take a short business trip overseas, and Tennille is missing her. She's talking to clinical psychologist Janet Benson.
TENNILLE FISHER: She seems to be the only one that I can tell her how I'm feeling and she agrees with me that she doesn't understand. But at least I know that she'll sit there and listen to me. And although we fight a lot, or we used to -- and I'd do anything to take that back, how much I've hurt her.
:19:12:
JANET BENSON: Have you got any plans over this period of time that your mum's away? Are you going to be going out with your dad?
TENNILLE FISHER: I don't know yet. He asked me but I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.
:19:26:
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's father was away for much of her childhood. Since her hospitalisation, he's made a new attempt to develop a relationship with her.
TENNILLE FISHER: The only thing that's really hard to accept is that he hasn't been there for so long. Then, you know, all of a sudden he's in -- not in my face, but he's here a lot.
JANET BENSON: He's come a long way in understanding where you're coming from, and you've set some boundaries and limits, for him to have realistic expectations. Yeah? You think that's right?
:19:57:
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah. But he's still -- he's not Mum. He doesn't compare up to Mum. I mean, I love him with all my heart. But -- he's just missed out on so much that it's so hard to be able to talk to him like -- normal.
:20:14:
JANET BENSON: Hmm. Your mum knows you very well. What does your mum want for you?
TENNILLE FISHER: To be happy.
JANET BENSON: To be happy. Yeah.
TENNILLE FISHER: This is definitely not the place for it.
:20:28:
MORAG RAMSAY: The girls are weighed to see if they're reaching the 1kg-a-week target. They must use their bed pans to make sure they aren't loading their bodies up with water to make themselves heavier. Their urine is tested to make doubly sure.
NEDA CETINIC: Good morning, Tennille.
You awake? White gowns, wees, and we'll weigh you. Morning, Rebecca. You awake? For weighs?
:21:09:
MORAG RAMSAY: If they genuinely put on weight this week, they'll be allowed out of the hospital for Easter.
NEDA CETINIC: Morning, Elizabeth. Wee-wees, white gown, and we'll weigh you. We're aiming for 40kg.
MORAG RAMSAY: Is it usually pretty tense?
NEDA CETINIC: It is, it is. There's a lot of tears after it, and a lot of ringing mothers and crying, and saying, "It's not fair." 40.5. OK. Thank you. That's not the way. Your undies should be off. I told you to get rid of all your clothes underneath. Go and do that, and tie it up at the back, both of you.
:21:57:
MORAG RAMSAY: What's happened?
NEDA CETINIC: They've left their underwear on. By mistake.
MORAG RAMSAY: What does that do?
NEDA CETINIC: Well, I mean, they could put things in their underwear. That's why we get them to take it all off bar the white gowns tied up at the back. They're very sneaky. I mean, we get weighed every second day, so the kids should know. I mean, they're here for 15 weeks. OK. That's fine.
:22:31
LIZ CAFE: No, it's not.
LIZ CAFE: I'm not going to be able to go on holidays.
NEDA CETINIC: You've only been here for a short while, haven't you?
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Yeah. Since Friday.
NEDA CETINIC: First time I've weighed you.
REBECCA SHEPHARD: This is my second.
NEDA CETINIC: You enjoying the stay here?
:22:52:
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Oh, it's OK. As good as a hospital stay could be, I guess.
LIZ CAFE: I fully thought I'd GAIN! I won't go anywhere today. I'll try really hard and I'll put on like half a kilo. I'll eat all day. I am. I'm going to stuff myself stupid. They'll think I'm bulimic!
GIRL: They'll change your diagnosis.
SECOND GIRL: Excessive eater.
:23:22:
MORAG RAMSAY: Holly's diet contains virtually no nutrition, so Amanda has brought in the team's dietitian, Sue, to work out a meal plan.
SUE WRIGHT, NUTRITIONIST: So how many grams of fat, Holly, are you working on each day?
HOLLY McGRATH: I'd like to say under two.
SUE WRIGHT: Under two grams of fat? So I guess we're talking a couple of things here -- we're moving rice crackers to a snack. We need to look at lunch, evening meal -- perhaps vegetables on a plate that you've prepared. And that's it. And I'd be really happy to see you, knife and fork, plate, with vegetables. Is that daunting?
:24:10:
HOLLY McGRATH: A bit. Yeah.
SUE WRIGHT: That's all I want. A plate. Four vegetables. And we're, sort of, now, I guess, resembling a meal. Well, stretching it. How do you feel about that? Can you do that?
:24:33:
HOLLY McGRATH: I can do it.But I won't like it. I won't enjoy it, like I enjoy the rice crackers.
SUE WRIGHT: You haven't had dinner yet, have you?
HOLLY McGRATH: No.
SUE WRIGHT: And this isn't being put off till tomorrow.
:24:50:
HOLLY McGRATH: So I've got to do this tonight?
SUE: Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely. What's going to stop you?
HOLLY McGRATH: I don't know --
:25:02
SUE WRIGHT: There's nothing.
MORAG RAMSAY: When you said that you'd got down to 35 kilos, and that you'd want to go lower, are you scared that you might go too far?
TENNILLE FISHER: I wasn't, because I'd never had any physical signs. I'd never fainted. I always had my energy. I don't look sick.You know, you're comparing yourself constantly to everybody else. And you think, I don't need to be in here. That's the constant battle you're thinking about. There's so many other people out there that need to be in here, and I don't.
:25:37:
MORAG RAMSAY: So what was the weight that you had in mind?
TENNILLE FISHER: I wanted to get down to about probably 32kg. I didn't, but the thing is, I didn't constantly watch the weight. I just looked at myself and thought, "Oh, you still need to drop a bit more." And people were constantly saying to me all the time, "Oh, you need help. You look sick."
MORAG RAMSAY: But you weren't scared that you might die?
TENNILLE FISHER: No.
:26:10:
MORAG RAMSAY: That never entered your head?
TENNILLE FISHER: No. Didn't scare me about children or anything like that.
MORAG RAMSAY: So none of the warnings as to what could be a consequence -- whether it be trouble with kids, having kids.
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah.
MORAG RAMSAY: Osteoporosis or even death -- none of that worried you?
TENNILLE FISHER: Nup. 'Cause I always thought, "It won't be me, it won't happen to me."
:26:35:
MORAG RAMSAY: The staff at the adolescent unit meet several times a week to assess how the girls are going. This is the last review before the Easter break.
DR LILA STEPHENS, ADOLESCENT REGISTRAR: OK. I'll start, with Liz. She's 47.7, which is 200 grams down from Monday. So I think she's doing actually really quite well not to have lost too much.
:26:58:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Mm-hm. Liz is playing games.
DR LILA STEPHENS: She's hovering around the 48, isn't she, with great precision.
MANDY EMMET-LEY, OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST: She doesn't want to go home.
DR SIMON CLARKE: She went over 48 last time and rebounded. And she doesn't look good.
MANDY EMMET-LEY: No, she doesn't. Shall we go on to Tennille?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Only if it's good news.
:27:26:
DR LILA STEPHENS: Well, what do you think? She's 40.5, so she's up 500 grams, after your little talk.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Fantastic! Isn't that glorious?
MORAG RAMSAY: As part of the holiday program, the girls are taken out to the Royal Easter Show.
LIZ CAFE: They're looking a bit full. Ugh! Oh, there's that shit smell.
:27:40:
TENNILLE FISHER: Look at the little piglets! Look at the size of her nipples!
LIZ CAFE: Looking at them sucking on it -- it's making the whole thing move!
TENNILLE FISHER: Oh, yuck! That's gross! Imagine having tits all down your stomach!
I want to get one of the old wigs. Push it forward a bit more.
:28:17:
LIZ CAFE: My mum will die. I'm going to wear this down the coast tonight.
MORAG RAMSAY: While Liz was at the Easter Show, her stepfather called, expecting her to be ready to leave for their family holiday. She decided to ring him, to let him know when she was allowed to go.
LIZ CAFE: Mum told me you were coming at 2:00. She did!
GIRL: Yeah, it's not your fault.
:29:06:
NURSE: What's wrong?
LIZ CAFE: He hung up on me.
NURSE: Who did?
SECOND NURSE: Your dad? Have you got a number? Give it to me and I'll give him a call back.
MORAG RAMSAY: Later, Liz's mother called, angry about the confusion.
:29:27:
LIZ CAFE: I dunno, he just hung up on me, Mum! At 2:00! Why couldn't he ring ME?
DR LILA STEPHENS: So, Liz --
DR SIMON CLARKE: Dropping again.
:29:48:
MORAG RAMSAY: The Westmead team is back after the Easter break. Liz did get away for a holiday, but it wasn't a success -- her weight dropped by over half a kilo.
DR LILA STEPHENS: But there was considerable family flux over the weekend. They fought halfway down the coast and didn't speak for the rest of the time down there. And she's saying that she's scared of reaching 50 because she thinks she'll go home and if she goes home and things haven't changed, it'll be just like it was when she was discharged from the last hospital.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Weight's not the problem.
:30:20:
DR LILA STEPHENS: No. No, the family's the thing.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. The family's the problem.
ANNE LONG, LIZ'S MOTHER: I nearly cried. She couldn't swim 100m of butterfly.
MORAG RAMSAY: Concerned by the family tensions over Easter, Dr Clarke has called in Liz's mother Anne and her stepfather Peter for a family therapy session.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. You told me an interesting thing the other day. You said you hate fights at home. And they're awful to you because you don't know when anything's going to stop. Is that right?
:30:59:
LIZ CAFE: Yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah. But that's, that was from before, wasn't it? A long time ago.
LIZ CAFE: Well, I still don't like fights.
ANNE LONG: I don't think anyone does.
PETER LONG, LIZ'S STEPFATHER: No-one does, Liz.
DR SIMON CLARKE: No. No-one does.
:31:17:
LIZ CAFE: I think I take it harder than other people. I don't get over it as quickly as other people. I usually keep thinking about it and feel really bad about it, and think it's my fault.
DR SIMON CLARKE: And one thing we have to get you to stop doing is to stop blaming yourself for the arguments, huh? Hard, isn't it?
:31:44:
ANNE LONG: When Elizabeth and I have a disagreement, she doesn't worry about it, because she knows I'm Mum, and at the end of the day, I'm still going to love her. But because Peter's her stepdad, if her and Peter have a falling out, she really takes it to heart. And, like, Peter and I talked about it and, like, I said to Liz, like she needs to learn to trust in Peter's love. Because Peter at the end of the day is still going to love Liz. And it's normal for teenagers to have fights with their parents.
:32:11:
PETER LONG: I love you so much and I just want to be your dad. And you've got a home, we've got everything going for us now. So let's just all move on.
LIZ CAFE: Well, some of the, like, little arguments we've had lately, I've sort of, wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in here and if I didn't get sick and if I could have got better.
:32:37:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, hang on. Have we just blamed ourself for being sick? Did you hear that?
PARENTS: Yes.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We never, ever blame anybody for having anorexia nervosa. Alright? OK? Anorexia nervosa is not a silly little thing that just happens to you. It's a great big illness that nobody asks for. Alright? You being in here tells us that all is not well. Alright? And it's not your fault. OK? So what we have to do is make it better out there. Alright?
:33:17:
HOLLY McGRATH: I'm scared it's going to happen so quickly. One day I'm going to be like this and the next I'm going to be like this. And I'm really scared of that.
AMANDA JORDAN: I can tell you're scared, but what are you basing it on? When has that happened?
HOLLY McGRATH: It hasn't, but I'm frightened it will. That's what I'm scared of. Like, I don't need evidence. You know what I'm like. I just make up things, like my numbers.
:33:41:
AMANDA JORDAN: Is the terror the food?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: How does Holly change when Holly puts on weight?
HOLLY McGRATH: I get miserable. I'm so mean to everyone and I don't want to be like that. I just wanna be happy and I don't wanna be angry, and, like, I'm always angry at Dad. I always take everything out on him. And he hasn't done anything. And I don't want to be angry at everybody.
:34:19:
AMANDA JORDAN: You're searching for a happy way through this? You seem to stake so much of your happiness based on looking thin, I suspect it could be quite difficult for you to learn to eat again.
:34:30:
DR LILA STEPHENS: We've got Tennille. She's week 13. She went out with her girlfriend on Sunday with some other friends and she tells me that they stopped for hot chips and she wouldn't eat any so they threw the hot chips at her. And she was crying when she was telling me this. Over the weekend one of the other girls has started bingeing and purging. And Tennille has confided in me, I mean, in her attempt to justify having lost weight over the weekend that she's sort of in sympathy vomiting. But I must admit that every Monday or Wednesday she grabs me and has another plausible excuse for having lost weight.
:35:30:
DR SIMON CLARKE: She's got the best excuses of all time. We have some idea of how hard it was for you, alright?
MORAG RAMSAY: Dr Clarke is concerned that Tennille is taking on responsibility for Rebecca, one of the other patients.
:35:43:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, Tennille, we're running round you all the time. I'm exhausted.
TENNILLE FISHER: I'm running round after somebody else all the time.
DR SIMON CLARKE: I know.
TENNILLE FISHER: I'm exhausted too.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We're going to deal with that right now. OK. So don't keep running around after somebody else. That's our job. Alright? Thanks for your help. OK? Don't feel responsible for the Western world. Feel responsible for Tennille. Alright? Dad's come back and everything's blown up again, hasn't it?
:36:15:
REBECCA SHEPHARD: Yeah, it's made it a bit difficult, but yesterday I made myself eat and I didn't throw it up at all, and I was proud of that. I know you probably don't believe me, but Tennille stayed with me the whole day.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yep.
REBECCA SHEPHARD: And I feel a little bit better. I've decided I just want to get out.
:36:36:
DR SIMON CLARKE: OK. But, what we're saying is, these kids find it enormously stressful because they're such responsible kids. What we'd like you to do, is we want you to pick a staff member, alright?
REBECCA SHEPHARD: OK.
:36:50:
DR SIMON CLARKE: That's what they're there for.
LYN FISHER: It's so good that you've got a night at home.
MORAG RAMSAY: Tennille's progress has stalled. With the return of her mother, the unit has decided to make some major decisions about Tennille's future.
:37:10:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, how's Madame doing? Not well.At all. Really. Because she's reached 40, but she's still not lifting up beyond 40. So, it's 14 weeks.
:37:25:
TENNILLE FISHER: I think I've made some progress, but not enough.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Not enough. No.
LYN FISHER: Why? Are you just not eating at all?
TENNILLE FISHER: No, I have been, but -- I don't know.
LYN FISHER: Are you throwing up or something, to be losing?
:37:40:
TENNILLE FISHER: That's what I hadn't gotten to talk to you about yet.
DR SIMON CLARKE: That's to be expected. We need to start thinking about where we're going from here. Where we go with Tennille in terms of the program, whether this program is complex enough for Tennille, or whether we need to think of another program.
LYN FISHER: What other programs are there?
:38:02:
DR SIMON CLARKE: It would be in either one of the psychiatric wards in the hospital. You'd have to think that unless we make a move soon, because everybody else is gaining, most people are gaining weight, but Tennille's stopped. So we're not getting past this. Say we've got three weeks to get to X, and if we don't make it, then it would give us time to prepare the other programs and see if they've got space and that sort of thing and we can then move on. But I don't want to do that.
:38:45:
LYN FISHER: A bit harsh, isn't it?
DR SIMON CLARKE: It's not harsh, because the other programs are very good. It may be that that's what's needed to make the move.
LYN FISHER: What do they do in the psychiatric ward?
:38:56:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well, again, you'd be in groups with other patients, or either, at one or the other places, you'd be in a school still, at the other place. But we'll have to see if they've got a bed.
LYN FISHER: But what difference -- what do they do differently there?
DR SIMON CLARKE: They have more intense programs. They have more, probably more therapists, more time in family therapy, etc.
:39:30:
LYN FISHER: Well, I think if you don't gain, that's the only thing you're going to have to do.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Yeah.
TENNILLE FISHER: I think -- I know you're going to really hate me for bringing this up again, but I think -- I'm still worried about the goal weight.
DR SIMON CLARKE: What do you think the goal weight should be?
TENNILLE FISHER: I don't think it should be 46, because I won't be able to maintain that.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Well what do you think it should be? I wouldn't mind 41kg at the moment.
:39:58:
LYN FISHER: Yeah, anything would be better.
DR SIMON CLARKE: But it's not going to be 41kg. It needs to be more than that.
TENNILLE FISHER: If I can maintain it, 43.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Fine. But how long is it going to take us to get there?
TENNILLE FISHER: I've got to get out of here. I've had enough now.
:40:15:
AMANDA JORDAN: You like being in charge. That's something I've noticed.
HOLLY McGRATH: Dodie can sit next to me.
DODIE McGRATH: Oh, I'll sit next to you. I'm special.
DAVID McGRATH, HOLLY'S FATHER: Right. We're all in now.
:40:28:
MORAG RAMSAY: At 37kg, Holly's lighter than many of the girls in hospital. Her counselling team are quietly concerned that her family is not being firm enough.
DAVID McGRATH: I think I'd be worried really about the bone prognosis and that.
AMANDA JORDAN: The osteoporosis.
DAVID McGRATH: Yeah. I think that should improve. I'm not sure how you measure that, but I think that's a real worry.
:40:54:
AMANDA JORDAN: What are you going to do to actually strengthen your bones? What, you know, what's the plan? It's not going to happen by magic.
HOLLY McGRATH: I'm just sorry. I'm just really sick of being dictated to, that's all. I'm just sick of following plans. I just really am. I just want to get on with things. Wanna forget about it. If I break my bones, I break my bones. Like, seriously.
:41:20:
LYNNE McGRATH: She wants to be a normal person.
HOLLY McGRATH: I do. I really do. I've had four months just to sit and just to stew on this problem, and I'm sick of it. I really am. I just had enough.
:41:30:
LYNNE McGRATH: She knows that we've got faith in her. And I think while she feels that we believe in her, she'll do it. We all pray hard enough.
:41:45:
AMANDA JORDAN: Would you have expected to get a harder time from us? In that session?
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah.
AMANDA JORDAN: What were you anticipating?
HOLLY McGRATH: That everybody would start, like, everyone would gang up against me. And I kept thinking that everyone would sort of start saying, "Oh, you've gotta do this. You've gotta do that." And that Mum and Dad would agree with you.
:42:11:
AMANDA JORDAN: I guess I would wonder whether ganging up on you might not be the way to go.
HOLLY McGRATH: No. Like, I've always said no matter how many times people just push and push and tell me all these things that I've gotta do, I still just resort back into thinking, "Oh, well, other people have gone through it. Other people have lived through it." You know. I will too. And if I don't, well --
:42:36:
AMANDA JORDAN: 'Cause other people have died.
HOLLY McGRATH: Yeah. I know.
DR SIMON CLARKE: We're taking down "Ambulent" and putting up --
NURSE: "Bedrest with toilet privileges."
DR SIMON CLARKE: "Bedrest with toilet privileges."
:42:50:
MORAG RAMSAY: The girls on the ward failed to put on weight over the weekend, so their movements and activities have been restricted.
DR SIMON CLARKE: I've never seen such a good holiday program and everybody lost weight. So we thought, well, this is silly. We do the right thing, everybody loses weight, so it's back to the old strict behavioural program. And a proper behavioural program starts Monday to Monday, and if you don't gain a kilo, you conserve energy.
:43:14:
GIRL: If I gain a kilo by next Monday, am I off bedrest?
DR SIMON CLARKE: You're off bedrest. You're both off bedrest. I think a lot of your sadness comes from the fact that you're just not eating well enough. We know that makes you sad.
TENNILLE FISHER: It's got nothing to do with that.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Nothing to do with that.
OK.
TENNILLE FISHER: Maybe it does have to do with it, but that's not why I'm so angry.
:43:45:
DR SIMON CLARKE: OK. Well, you gain weight and then we'll all be less angry. Alright?
:43:00:
MORAG RAMSAY: The last few weeks have been stressful for Kylie. After six years of work, she's about to qualify as a social worker.
AMANDA JORDAN: Well, momentous week. That's what my birdies have told me.
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes. Momentous.
AMANDA JORDAN: Mmm. Why?
KYLIE FERRARI: Why has my week been momentous?
AMANDA JORDAN: Yeah.
KYLIE FERRARI: Well, Andy moved out. That was momentous. And I graduate tomorrow.
AMANDA JORDAN: Right. Now, could we just backtrack a little bit? What was the first thing that happened?
:44:40:
KYLIE FERRARI: Andy moved out. Were they the big things you were talking about?
AMANDA JORDAN: I didn't know. So I'm just sitting here just hoping you'll fill me in.
:44:53:
KYLIE FERRARI: I felt like really claustrophobic and suffocated, and he was finding things difficult, I think, being with me at the moment, with how I'd been for a little while, and I think everything just got a bit too much.
AMANDA JORDAN: Was it a bit too much for Andy, or a bit too much for you?
KYLIE FERRARI: Bit too much for me, I think. And I think it was a bit too much for Andy.
:45:16:
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie's applied for a job at Westmead Hospital.
AMANDA JORDAN: I have to say you're seeming very composed. Given that you're trying to move into this new phase in life, particularly, say, you're working in a hospital environment, where there is an eating disorders unit, you're going to be confronted by girls who are very underweight, who are emaciated. What effect does that have on you?
:45:40:
KYLIE FERRARI: Sometimes when I see people like that I feel inadequate, because I've had an eating disorder. But then that's only in my head, 'cause no-one else around me knows I've had an eating disorder. And the girls don't know I've had an eating disorder. So to them, they wouldn't be looking at me and going, "Oh, she's a failed anorexic." You know, which is sometimes how you feel when you're around these people.
:46:07:
AMANDA JORDAN: A failed anorexic?
KYLIE FERRARI: Do you know what I mean? You don't know what I mean when I say that.
AMANDA JORDAN: I have a sense, but I'd rather you tell me.
KYLIE FERRARI: Well, I mean, when you're anorexic, you think you're pretty cool, 'cause you think you've got lots of self-control and willpower and everyone else is weak. And I think that, when I say a failed anorexic, it's like I've lost my willpower, Do you know what I mean?
AMANDA JORDAN: And paradoxically you've gained your life.
:46:37:
KYLIE FERRARI: Yes, but that's -- And then, what I was going to go on to say was other times I feel like saying to them, "You lose so much." You know, like sometimes I feel like shaking people and saying, "You lose so much." Like, I'm 25 and I've been doing this crap for 11 years. And that's just such a chunk of your life.
MORAG RAMSAY: Kylie has started her job as a social worker at Westmead Hospital. Holly stopped therapy for three weeks but has decided to resume.
:47:26:
TENNILLE FISHER: It's exactly 4 months and 3 days -- I've been here.
LIZ CAFE: 5 months and -- 1 -- 2 -- third day today.
DR SIMON CLARKE: It really is time, we think now, to go home.
LIZ CAFE: I'm going home today?
DR SIMON CLARKE: Uh-huh.
LIZ CAFE: I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!
:47:46:
DR SIMON CLARKE: Had enough hospital?
TENNILLE FISHER: Yeah.
DR SIMON CLARKE: Oh, Tennille. Oh, you do disappoint me. We thought you loved us. Well, sort of.
TENNILLE FISHER: Just a little bit.
DR SIMON CLARKE: A little bit.
END :48:30:
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Reporter: Morag Ramsay
Producer: & Photograper: Paul Costello
Research: Morag Ramsay